Use Your Words
“Oh my god! You’re here. In a grocery store. Shopping,” Stiles cackled with glee.
Derek was instantly annoyed, “I do eat you know.”
“Yeah, but I always assumed you just hunted down Thumper or whatever,” Stiles waved a hand.
Derek rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure that Scott and Stiles would never see him as an actual person. With feelings.
He just turned to walk away.
“Ugh. You know it wouldn’t kill you to behave like a normal human once in a while. Instead of this whole brooding, sourwolf schtick. It’s called a conversation? We were having one,” Stiles called after him.
Derek ignored him.
“So, Sourwolf. I’ve thought a lot about what’s gone wrong since this whole supernatural mess started and I think the biggest reason why everything was a million times worse than it needed to be is… communication. You suck at it. We’re all kind of bad but you’re definitely the worst. I have a plan though!” Stiles flails dramatically, “I’m going to teach you how to use your words!”
Derek just looks at Stiles’ bruised face and wonders when that happened, “Or maybe you can start with exactly when you and Scott concocted your plan to join my pack while working with Gerard Argent to betray me.”
Stiles’ scent flares with hurt and betrayal, which is interesting.
“That whole thing is what I’m talking about. Scott didn’t tell me. Gerard threatened to hurt his mom if he didn’t cooperate and he didn’t tell me. I had no idea. Gerard is the one who kidnapped me and did all of this,” Stiles gestures to his face, “as a message for Scott.”
“Is Scott getting this talk too?” Derek wonders, since both Stiles and Scott have a habit of blaming Derek for, well, pretty much anything and everything.
“Yes,” Stiles lies.
Derek just raises a brow.
“Okay, fine. He’ll get the talk as soon as I’m not pissed at him anymore. But we need to start with you. Because we could’ve avoided that situation if you hadn’t run around biting random teens and threatening to kill Lydia! You make it really hard to trust you, dude. You don’t explain anything, like, ever. Communicating via growls and your oddly expressive eyebrows isn’t enough. You need to use your words, big guy.”
Derek nods. This is pretty much what he expected.
If there was one thing Derek could say about Stiles, beyond his loyalty, was that he was persistent.
He started making it a habit to come into the depot to ramble at Derek for hours.
It was annoying, at first, but he came to enjoy the rhythm of Stiles’ speech.
“Dude, I don’t understand how you think you can be anyone’s alpha when you’re such a hot mess,” Stiles said as he entered the train depot.
The betas had fled from Derek’s anger and grief.
They told him it smelled like ash.
It was a bad day. Okay, a worse day, since pretty much all of his days were bad. It was his mom’s birthday and he was swamped with memories.
They were all the sharper because she’d been his alpha. And she’d been a great alpha.
He very much was not. He was pretty sure she’d be so very disappointed in him. And that hurt. A lot.
He wanted to follow her example but their circumstances were so different.
She’d been the alpha of a strong, family pack. Her betas were all relatives already inclined to listen because of their family ties.
He had a few betas he’d picked in the hope they’d desperately want pack as much as he did. He’d also picked teens. Which after dealing with Stiles and Scott, he should’ve realized that they’d be difficult.
His mom also hadn’t had to try and build her pack from nothing while essentially living in a war zone. He had threats from two sides and no allies. At best he’d had two people who usually didn’t want him dead and would sometimes help but most often worked against him.
That’s it.
“Derek? Are you just wallowing in misery? Is this what the big, bad alpha is doing when this town is going to shit?” Stiles still hadn’t left.
He heaved himself up and walked into a spot of light, “Not today, Stiles.”
“Look. I get that you’re the alpha or whatever, but you seriously need to get your shit together. You can’t spend all your time brooding over your man-pain,” Stiles said.
Derek growled.
“Derek, for fuck’s sake, why can’t you use your words?” Stiles shouted.
One of the things Derek hated about Stiles was that he knew how to hurt people with the truth.
Derek did need to get his shit together.
He’d try again.
Tomorrow.
“Sooo… if I’m human and can’t do the whole butt-sniffing thing, is there a Growl-to-English dictionary?” Stiles asked.
Derek appreciated the question. It gave him hope that Stiles was genuine in his desire for better communication.
Derek didn’t appreciate the dog jokes, “I’m not going to help you if you keep making dog jokes.”
“Dude, my dog jokes are hilarious,” Stiles said with a cheeky grin.
“They really aren’t. Could you stop?” Derek asked. Pretty evenly too, in his opinion.
“It’s part of our banter! Good-natured teasing is, like, a huge part of human communication, big guy. So, speak!”
Derek sighed. He knew better than to expect anything, but still he tried.
It was probably his biggest fault: trying when he knew he’d get nothing but shit.
He couldn’t help it with Stiles. He’d already written off most of humanity, but Stiles made it hard. Because, despite his faults, he cared. And when he cared, he was loyal.
He was also bright and lively. Derek could admit that he was a pretty dour guy. Stiles brought some much-needed life and sunshine to his life. But never for the reasons he thought.
Stiles thought that teasing and banter helped lighten Derek’s mood. When it was really his scent and passion and the flashes of true caring.
Derek got that he wasn’t supposed to take Stiles’ teasing about his grumpiness or brooding personally. That Stiles or his pack weren’t doing it maliciously.
That teasing was something humans did when they were close.
It still hurt his feelings.
Not that any of them seemed to think he even had feelings to hurt.
Derek reaches a breaking point on Laura’s birthday.
“Hey, sourwolf! I have the research you, well I was going to say ‘asked for’ but it was really more of a growled command.”
“Get out, Stiles. Not today.”
“Oh my, god! Why are you such an asshole all the time? You’re the one who asked for this research. And I did it! But apparently, you wanted it at a specific time? Why didn’t you say so?” Stiles is flailing his arms in exasperation.
“Stiles. I’ll get it tomorrow.”
“Oh, so I’m just supposed to make myself available whenever it’s convenient for you?”
“No. It not…” Derek stopped. Trying to find the right words.
He’s about to speak when, “It’s not what, Derek? Use your words!”
And here. Now. Is the moment that Derek is absolutely done.
Stiles is one of the hardest people for him to talk to because he talks so fast and is so impatient. He always interrupts Derek and is the worst about listening. It frustrates Derek because he, especially lately, listens to Stiles. Has been around him enough that he can just roll with Stiles’ communication idiosyncracies.
But it never goes both ways.
So he just turns and walks out of the depot.
“Hey, sourwolf! Where are you going? You can’t just leave in the middle of a discussion…” Stiles is saying as Derek gets into his car and leaves.
It takes Siles only a few days to track him down for another confrontation. Derek had sent him a text to thank him for the research. And not replied to any of the texts Stiles sent.
“Derek! You can’t avoid me forever.”
Normally, at this point, Derek would try to defend himself. Instead he says nothing and waits.
“Okay. You know, I didn’t think it was possible for you to talk less. But anyway. Stop asking me for research if you’re going to be such an asshole about it. Because it’s seriously uncool to expect me to drop everything to do research and then be an asshole when I try to give it to you.”
Derek nods, turning and leaving.
“Ugh! You’re so frustrating!” Stiles shouts after him.
What almost no one seems to realize is that Derek isn’t actually stupid. He knows how to research. Stiles is faster and more efficient. And, well, Derek liked being around him.
Usually.
He especially liked the warm, pleased scent Stiles always had when Derek asked him for help.
But Stiles didn’t want him asking anymore, so Derek was doing his own research.
Of course, this was Stiles. Nothing could be that simple.
It came up at a pack meeting. Derek hadn’t bothered to invite Scott since he still insisted he wasn’t part of Derek’s pack. He also hadn’t invited Stiles since he’d done the research himself. He figures it was Isaac who told Scott who told Stiles.
He was telling his betas about how to kill the creature of the week when Stiles banged in shouting about how he knew how to kill the creature. He went quiet when he realized Derek already knew.
They went off to kill it. Derek didn’t bother telling Stiles to stay behind because:
- Stiles never listens.
- Stiles wasn’t in his pack and, therefore, not his responsibility.
- Derek was done trying.
They fought and won. And after checking to make sure his betas were fine, he got in his car and drove off.
He was unsurprised that Stiles followed him.
“Why didn’t you ask for my help researching? Or did you already know? Because I talked to Scott and that thing has been in the woods for a few weeks. And I know you knew about it. You realize it took me, like, a day to figure it out? Two people died and we could’ve prevented it.”
Derek knew. He felt like shit that he wasn’t better. But he’d done his best.
“Well? Derek? Hello? Are you even listening?”
Derek just looked at him, waiting for this to be done. He knows better than to try. The moment he figures out what to say, Stiles will rush in with another torrent of words while berating him for his lack of social skills.
“Holy shit! I really didn’t think you could find a way to be more frustrating. Fine. Whatever.”
Stiles stomped off.
The next confrontation happened after Stiles heard about a fight no one had even told him about. Not for research or that it was even happening.
“Are you cutting me out of the pack? Why are you cutting me out? Did I do something wrong?” Stiles demanded.
Derek didn’t want to bother… but it was a lot harder to ignore the scent of Stiles being hurt, rather than his usual anger or frustration.
“Are you…” Derek started, trying to figure out how to ask Stiles if he was in Derek’s pack. He’d never said. Never called Derek his alpha. Still always took Scott’s side and Scott was, by his own words, not in Derek’s pack.
“Am I what? Seriously, sourwolf, use your words!” And Stiles was starting to smell frustrated.
Use your words.
Fuck. Derek hated being told that. Stiles’ scent shifting from hurt to frustration made it easy to remember why this whole ‘conversation’ was futile.
By the time the whole mess with the alpha pack started, he hadn’t spoken to Stiles or Scott in a while.
Both were furious he hadn’t told them about the alpha pack.
Stiles had stopped coming around, since Derek’s ‘rejection’ (which had really been him standing hurt, stunned, and silent until Stiles’ scent turned sour with humiliation and he stomped away).
Derek didn’t really care. He was too busy trying to survive.
Of course, it was all another giant clusterfuck. And, of course, he got blamed for it.
He cared even less since he had Cora back.
Derek didn’t care about giving up his alpha spark to save Cora. Worth it. It was a relief to not be the one responsible anymore. Scott would probably be a better alpha.
His betas, two who’d abandoned him once, were only too happy to have a new alpha.
It wasn’t easy being an omega but he had Cora so they should both be fine. He didn’t bother asking Scott if he could be in his pack. Scott had already rejected him and Derek didn’t think anything had changed. Cora wouldn’t join Scott’s pack without him and that was that.
Derek couldn’t entirely blame Scott for his dislike. Derek’s shitty human social skills had made it easy for Scott to hate when they’d first met.
But Derek was tired of being the bad guy when all he tried to do was help.
It was especially exhausting now that he had Cora. Now that he had someone who could understand him without words. Who cared enough to read his chemosignals and respond. Having her back was such a relief.
It meant that he had even less tolerance for dealing with Stiles, who had started seeking him out again. Derek wanted to deal with him even less after Stiles’ hurtful words when his dad had been taken by the Darach.
Another situation where he’s the villain; not another victim.
He was done.
Derek decided his place needed to be more secure. He owned the loft, the building, and the land around it. It was time it stopped being so easy for people to access him. He got a serious door and new locks for the building’s entrance. He and Cora had the only keys. He went a step further and put a fence around the property. None of this would keep out determined enemies but hopefully he’d get enough warning to either prepare or flee.
He wasn’t surprised, at all, that Stiles was the first person to encounter the new security. He answered the intercom to an irate, “What the fuck, sourwolf? What’s with all the security? Let me up.”
“No. What do you want, Stiles?”
“Seriously? You’re going to make me stand in the street? Ugh, you’re the worst. I wanted to apologize for what I said in the hospital. It was really shitty of me to throw your relationships in your face.”
Derek hadn’t expected this. Getting an actual apology was kind of amazing, “Thank you, Stiles.”
“Okay, now can I come up?”
Derek buzzed him in. Moments later Derek was opening the door as Stiles climbed the last set of stairs.
“Is the elevator out of order?” He asked as he huffed.
“No reason I should make it easier for people to get here.”
This time it was his little brother’s birthday that made him snap. Stiles still didn’t have direct access to his loft because it was Derek’s territory and he wasn’t pack. Instead when Stiles wanted to annoy Derek, he’d show up and buzz the intercom until Derek let him up.
Not today, though. He’d been texting since the morning and Derek had been steadfastly ignoring each and every one. Hadn’t even read them. Didn’t want to know. Didn’t care. If there was some sort of emergency happening, it wasn’t his problem. He wasn’t the alpha and he knew where Cora was. He had no pack, so it wasn’t his responsibility.
Then the buzzing at the intercom started. Derek sighed because he knew it was Stiles. Stiles was the only one who visited.
“What.”
“Dude! There’s a thing in the woods and we could use your help. I know you’ve been ignoring my texts but we need you, man.”
“Is anyone actually dying?”
“Well, no, we’re trying to figure out what’s going on.”
“Not today. I’ll help tomorrow.”
“Um… what could you possibly be doing? You have a day full of brooding on your man-pain scheduled or something?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my god! That’s what you do every day! This is actually important.”
Derek sighs. He knows better than to expect understanding. He just flips the intercom to silent.
Derek, in a rare good mood, had let Stiles up into the loft. They were researching and it was fairly peaceful.
“Stiles. I’m sorry about the other day. It was my little brother’s birthday,” Derek said.
“Did you just apologize? With words? Looks like old dogs really can learn new tricks,” Stiles said with a grin.
And Derek’s good mood died a swift and sudden death. He’d been trying and this is what he gets for it?
“Could you stop with the dog jokes?”
“Never! You need to lighten up. Stop brooding so much over your man-pain,” Stiles had that teasing half-grin.
“Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Cora shouted.
Stiles startled because he hadn’t noticed her, “Wha–”
“Derek apologizes for being rude because it was our dead brother’s birthday and you make a shitty, insulting joke about it? Then you belittle our loss by teasing Derek about his ‘man-pain’? I don’t understand why Derek even gives you the time of day, given how much of a monumental asshole you are,” Cora is growling with glowing eyes, “How many times has Derek asked you to stop making dog jokes?”
“Uh, what? Lots?” Stiles said when he realized that Cora wanted an actual answer.
“Do you know what the hunters were calling us when I was fleeing? Dogs. Animals. They were making dog jokes and laughing about it. You’re always telling Derek to ‘use his words’ but you never listen when he does use his goddamn words? I totally get why Derek wants to wash his hands of this shitty town, if you’re the best of McCall’s garbage pack.”
And this? Is why Derek’s been so happy to have Cora back. It feels amazing to finally have someone on his side. Someone who’ll defend him.
It feels like he has a real pack again.
He and Cora were leaving. They had nothing to tie them to Beacon Hills.
Derek considered just leaving. Without saying anything to anyone.
But…
His foolish, hopeful heart couldn’t leave without saying something to Stiles.
He didn’t want to leave things as they were with him. With all the misunderstandings.
Regardless of the small and large ways that Stiles had hurt him, he’d also tried. He’d saved Derek when he didn’t need to.
He was the first person in a very long time to try and reach Derek.
Derek knew he was also at fault for their misunderstandings.
He was the one, after all, who’d given up trying to ‘use his words’.
Seeing Stiles in person, though, would only result in more misunderstandings and hurt.
So he leaves a letter.
Stiles,
I’m leaving with Cora. It’s not a good idea for omegas to stay in a hostile alpha’s territory.
I’m also tired. Tired of being blamed for things that aren’t my fault.
Just… weary and exhausted.
We’ve had a rocky relationship. But you tried. It’s been a long time since anyone cared enough to bother.
I appreciate it.
Did you know I used to be in the ‘special’ class in school? Because I talked slowly and it took me a while to answer questions, if I talked at all.
They also told me to ‘use my words’.
I came to enjoy listening to you.
It was always hardest to try and talk with you. You talk so fast and never wait long enough for me to answer. Then you’d start smelling of frustration and anger.
It was just easier not to try.
I’m a born wolf. I grew up in a pack. Maybe you never turned your considerable mind towards this seemingly innocuous fact but it matters. Words are almost unnecessary when you have chemosignals, body language, and non-verbal vocalizations.
You’ve asked me why I’m such a failure of a human being. Why I can’t communicate like a normal person.
I’m not human. I have never been human.
Human social skills are something I had to learn. They don’t come naturally. If I don’t practice often, they get rusty.
It’s part of why I was so bad when we first met. I interacted with you like you were a wolf, not a human.
I’m sorry for how I treated you back then. It wasn’t malicious and not out of bounds between wolves. But you aren’t a wolf and I know that it isn’t good behaviour by human standards.
My only defence is that I was grieving over the loss of my alpha and sister.
Maybe you think that one more death is only a drop in my ocean of grief. I don’t know.
All I’ve tried to do since returning is help. By all measures, I failed.
I tried my best.
Somehow, though, I always ended up being the villain.
You don’t really know me. You tried, I can see that, but there wasn’t time and I had no idea how to recover from our bad start.
How to bridge the gap between wolf and human. How to communicate in a way you understood.
Maybe I’m not great with words. But I did communicate with growls, body language, and scent.
Should I blame you for not being able to scent my chemosignals? Or interpret my growls?
I appreciate the things you’ve done for me. The times when you helped, even when you didn’t like me. For holding me up in the pool for two hours. I know what I said then and while I don’t trust you with my feelings, I do trust you to have my back.
Take care,
Derek
Growl 101
A week after they leave Derek wakes up to find that Stiles has blown up his phone with messages.
[Stiles]: I just finished crying over your letter.
[Stiles]: Not even joking, dude. Literally cried all over the place. And you should know that I’m an ugly crier. Snot and red cheeks. Super puffy eyes. It isn’t pretty.
[Stiles]: (And with this face? I can’t afford to be less pretty.)
[Stiles]: I’m texting because I don’t know what else to do. You didn’t leave an address. Maybe you’ll ditch your phone and never get these.
[Stiles]: But I have a lot of things to say. A lot of apologies to make. Like… you don’t even know. So many. All the apologies.
[Stiles]: (And now I can’t get the Nirvana song out of my head).
[Stiles]: What was I… Right. Sorry.
[Stiles]: Like… so sorry. The most sorry. The sorriest (I don’t think that’s a word but whatever).
[Stiles]: I really do not get why you spent all that time with me. And it wasn’t even grudging. When I think about it, things usually devolved after I made some kind of shitty joke.
[Stiles]: Until that moment, you’d sit and listen in a way no one ever has. Like… actually let me ramble for an hour (sometimes more) without telling me to shut up. Of course, I also never gave you the chance to participate.
[Stiles]: At least not before I told you to ‘use your words’.
[Stiles]: It’s funny. You have the most expressive eyebrows of anyone I’ve ever met. Maybe I don’t understand what different growls mean. Or can read chemosignals. It doesn’t change the fact that you still communicated as best you could.
[Stiles]: And I never listened.
[Stiles]: I’m sorry.
[Stiles]: You deserved so much better than a couple of kids desecrating your sister’s grave and accusing you of her murder. Then proceeding to be giant shitheads.
[Stiles]: I don’t actually think you’re the villain. You want to know the reason why I tried so hard to get to know you? Because you’re totally awesome. And a badass hero.
[Stiles]: Ironically, I do recognize all the shit you’ve dealt with. But you’re still standing. You still try. And you always try to do the right thing. It’s fucking amazing.
[Stiles]: Not that you’d know, based on my behaviour. Ironic that I was trying to teach you better communication, huh? When I can’t even get across that I think you’re a pretty swell guy, Derek Hale.
[Stiles]: I’m sorry.
[Stiles]: Not sure you’ll ever forgive me. Especially since you’re probably never going to read these texts and I just vomited a bunch of words (again).
[Stiles]: If we ever meet again.
[Stiles]: I’ll do better.
[Stiles]: I think it’s time for me to grow up. Be the kind of man I can respect. The kind that would show you respect with every word and deed.
He isn’t sure what to think about the texts. He appreciates the apology. It means a lot that Stiles apologized. That he seems to understand what Derek was trying to tell him and what he did wrong.
Derek said that Stiles was the first person to try reaching Derek in a long time.
Despite everything, he’s still trying.
Derek takes a few days to process and think about what he wants to say.
[Derek]: Thanks for the apology.
[Derek]: It means a lot to me that you still care enough to try.
It’s a few hours before he gets a reply.
[Stiles]: Wow, this is hard with texting. I had, like, 75 messages typed out five seconds after your last text. But… I didn’t want to do The Thing again so I’ve been waiting to see if you have more to say. Not sure how much time you need…
[Stiles]: Anyway. The way you wrote your last message suggests that the lines of communication are still open?
[Stiles]: Because I already miss you, dude.
[Stiles]: Didn’t realize how much time I spent hanging out with you.
[Stiles]: Okay, I’m trying a whole self-honesty thing. By ‘hanging out’ I mean my well-intentioned but misguided attempts to teach you better communication.
[Stiles]: Fuck. I’m babbling again. Sorry.
[Derek]: You don’t need to change the way you talk. Just the way you listen.
[Derek]: Give me time to reply at my own pace. Try not to interrupt.
[Derek]: But, yes, Stiles. The lines of communication are still open.
They continue to text during his and Cora’s road trip. Which is less of a road trip and more an attempt to find somewhere to settle down.
They’ve both been through a lot of change and upheaval since the fire. They want territory to call their own. Space and time to learn each other again and bond.
To be a family. To be a pack.
[Stiles]: Do werewolves have knots?
[Derek]: 🙄
[Stiles]: OMG!!!! You’re using emoji! 😮️😮️😮️😭️😭️😭️
[Derek]: 😠️
[Stiles]: You know, I’d bet like… $5 that those two emoji are your most frequently used. It’s like your two main expressions: grumpy and rolling your eyes.
He and Cora are mostly travelling to check out various Hale properties across the country. Because property ownership isn’t the same as pack territory, they’re mostly checking to see which are available for two omegas to settle into.
More than anything, they want to be able to live quietly.
Derek wonders why Laura hadn’t done this. Why they’d settled in New York.
Big cities were easy, in the sense that a single pack couldn’t control them, but they also were hard. So removed from nature.
He guesses it was easier to disappear in a large city when you’re on the run.
They aren’t running now.
Turns out that a few of the properties are purposefully within the territories of strong, established packs. For exactly this kind of contingency. They’re packs the Hales have an agreement with for shelter and protection, should anything happen.
Packs who’ll let two omegas settle in their territories and protect them.
Derek hates that their pack has been reduced to this but is so grateful to find somewhere safe.
They end up in the Cascades in Oregon, in a small mountain town where all the residents are part of the pack.
[Derek]: You’d like this town. Everyone who lives here is part of the pack. All five hundred of them.
[Stiles]: How does that even *work*???
[Derek]: It’s technically run by an alpha pack. The head alpha’s ‘betas’ are all alphas of smaller packs. They submit to her, so their betas are also her betas.
[Stiles]: Trippy. Is that where you and Cora are?
[Derek]: Yeah. We’re going to settle here for a while. Our pack owns some property here and our mom was good friends with the head alpha. She had an agreement that if anything happened to the Hale pack, we could find shelter and safety here.
[Stiles]: Isn’t that sort of place a target for hunters?
[Derek]: They’ve tried before. But you’d actually need a small army to take on hundreds of werewolves. Or some serious weaponry. You can’t move here unless you’re pack or have permission. Strangers are easy to spot and watched closely.
[Stiles]: That sounds *so cool*.
[Stiles]: I wonder why more places like that don’t exist. Wait. *Are* there a bunch of supernatural towns out there and I just don’t know?
[Derek]: 🙄️
[Derek]: There are other towns. But it’s hard to pull something like this off. The pack has been here since white people started settling in the west. They bought up a bunch of land and founded their own town. Started small but grew over time. It would be almost impossible to do something like this today.
[Derek]: It also isn’t easy to get this many alphas and wolves to cooperate on this scale. They make it work because of the obvious benefits. And they have lots of natural land for everyone to run around in.
[Derek]: The downside is that they have to actually run a town. The head alpha is the mayor and the other alphas are the town council. They have to worry about infrastructure and the economy. It’s a lot of work. I wouldn’t want to do it.
[Stiles]: It still sounds like the coolest thing *ever*. I’d love to see it, someday.
[Derek]: You’re welcome anytime.
[Stiles]: Seriously? Like. For real, for real? You’re not just being polite?
[Derek]: 🙄️
[Derek]: Stiles. You think this face 😠️ does *anything* out of politeness?
[Stiles]: Lmao. Sorry. The uncharacteristic volume of words had me confused.
[Stiles]: I *will* take you up on that offer.
[Stiles]: You know I will.
The ‘cabin’ he and Cora are living in is larger than they really need. While no one could’ve known how many Hales might’ve needed to shelter here, it’s clear that more than two were planned for.
It has four rooms, all of which contain bunk beds. The place is nice, though. Clearly not meant just as a shelter of last resort but a possible vacation spot.
It’s comfortable.
What excites both of them is finding some pictures and mementos of their family. Neither had much to remember them by and it’s good to have something. There are, of course, the heirlooms in the various vaults around the country but those are better off where they are.
For the most part, they busy themselves with making the cabin habitable. It hasn’t been used in a while and there’s a bunch of cleaning and maintenance to be done.
Derek likes the town.
It’s the first place he’s lived in where he doesn’t dread going out. No one tries to force him to talk, happy enough to respond to his chemosignals and non-human vocalizations.
More importantly, while he smells lust on more than a few of them, no one hits on him. No one tries to touch him without permission.
It’s the most relaxed he’s felt in public in a really long time.
[Stiles]: I think Deaton is full of shit.
[Stiles]: When we did the ritual to find our parents, he said we’d experience a darkness around our hearts for the rest of our lives.
[Stiles]: Except that Allison and Scott seem mostly fine. While I can’t sleep and I feel like I’m drowning. Like I can’t breathe.
[Stiles]: I think I’ve started losing time.
[Stiles]: I’m scared.
[Stiles]: Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or if I’m awake.
[Derek]: 😞️
[Derek]: Describe the ritual.
[Stiles]: It was a replacement sacrifice thing.
[Stiles]: They put us in an ice bath and we ‘died’ for, like, hours.
[Stiles]: We each had an anchor, mine was Lydia.
[Stiles]: It was how we found where the nemeton was.
[Derek]: That sounds… shady. I’m going to ask around and see if I can get more information.
[Stiles]: Omg. Thanks for believing me. I’ve tried to talk to Scott about it… but he’s just shrugging it off because of what Deaton said.
[Derek]: 👍️
The town library is something Derek knows Stiles will love. It’s filled with supernatural lore. It’s also where he goes to find out about the ritual.
What he finds isn’t good. Whatever Deaton was trying to do, he hadn’t done the ritual correctly. Or the anchors had been poorly chosen.
Derek is particularly worried about the ‘darkness’. Nothing in the books suggests that this should be a by-product of the ritual. He makes sure to ask the librarians and all five of the town’s druids.
He’s told that what Stiles is describing sounds like a malicious spirit might be trying to possess him. He’s given an amulet that’ll protect Stiles until he can bring him back and get him fixed by one of the druids in town.
He and Cora leave the next day.
[Derek]: Stiles.
[Derek]: *Stiles*. Where are you?
[Derek]: We’re coming back. You’re in danger and we can help.
[Derek]: We’ll be there tomorrow.
Their first stop is Stiles’ house. He isn’t there. They track the sheriff down at the station and find out that Stiles has been sleepwalking.
He’s been gone for two days and no one knows where he is.
They debate talking to Scott but decide against it.
As omegas, they need to ask permission and they aren’t sure they’d get it.
They’re also sure that Scott has no idea about that sort of thing so it doesn’t matter. Also that, without Stiles, it’s unlikely anyone in the pack has any real idea what’s going on.
They split up to find Stiles.
Derek is the one who finds him out in the preserve. Blue with cold and shivering.
The first thing he does is slip the amulet over Stiles’ head, hoping that they aren’t too late and whatever spirit has been after Stiles hasn’t completely taken over.
The moment the amulet drops into place, however, Stiles shudders and blinks up at Derek.
“De– Derek? I must be dreaming. You can’t be here. You left…” Stiles trails off and starts silently weeping.
Derek pulls him into his arms, hoping to warm him up, “Stiles. It’s me. I’m here. Did you know that in dreams you have extra fingers? Count with me.”
One by one, they count Stiles’ fingers. And then Derek’s.
Stiles clutches onto him and starts sobbing in earnest, “Derek. I’m so scared. I can hear it. It wants me to open the door. To let it in. I’m so tired. I haven’t slept in days. Every time I sleep, it only gets louder.”
“It’ll be okay, Stiles. The amulet I put on you will protect you until one of the druids at home can fix you,” Derek rumbles in his chest to help calm and comfort Stiles.
It works and Stiles’ body gets heavy as exhaustion wins out.
Derek has to carry him home.
The sheriff and the pack are waiting. Scott doesn’t look happy to see them.
Derek is furious. Cora’s no better.
“What are you doing back, Derek?” Scott growls, eyes flashing red.
He just growls back, too angry to focus on finding words. Scott moves to take Stiles and Derek snarls, turning to hand Stiles to his father.
“Wow, McCall. We find your ‘best’ friend within an hour of returning and that’s your question?” Cora’s sarcastic air quotes when she says ‘best friend’ are worthy of Stiles himself. She turns to the sheriff, her tone going respectful, “Sheriff Stilinski, we came because Stiles texted Derek about what was happening and the ritual Deaton did. We did some research and talked to some druids, something went wrong with the ritual and a malicious spirit is trying to possess Stiles. One of the druids that live in our town can fix it. But we have to take him with us. The amulet we gave him isn’t a long term solution.”
Derek loves his sister for being able to say what he can’t.
“Deaton can fix him! You aren’t taking Stiles,” Scott growls.
“Deaton is the one who did this. Either on purpose or by his incompetence. Are you really willing to bet Stiles’ life on this?” Cora growls back.
“How can we trust some druid Derek found? He isn’t known for his ability to judge character and his version of helping usually involves making shit worse,” Scott scoffs.
“Hey!” the sheriff barks, “Stiles is my kid. I’ll decide what’s best for him. Derek, son, Stiles has been talking to you about his problems?”
Derek nods.
“Do you trust this druid?” Noah asks.
Derek nods again.
“Good enough for me. Get him the help he needs. I’ll follow in a few days after I arrange for some time off,” Noah says.
“But, sheriff!” Scott starts.
He stops at Noah’s stern look, “My son tried to get all of us to listen. He stopped trying because we didn’t. If he trusted Derek enough to confide in him, I’m going to trust his judgement. That Derek was able to find Stiles in an hour when we’ve been looking for two days, shows his faith was warranted. I don’t care about whatever werewolf territory bullshit is going on. My kid needs help and I’ll do what it takes to make sure he gets it. Now, I’m going to pack him a bag so Derek and Cora can get back on the road.”
It effectively ends the discussion.
The motion and hum of the road slowly penetrate Stiles’ awareness. He feels sleep drunk and groggy.
His eyes snap open as he realizes he can’t hear it. That he slept and it didn’t whisper and knock, asking to be let in.
A warm palm grasps his thigh and it’s Derek.
He really hadn’t been dreaming. Derek was real and he’d come. He’d heard Stiles and was helping.
He feels the burn of tears as warmth radiated from that strong hand, now giving a gentle squeeze.
The road lulls him back to sleep and he drifted off again.
Derek brings Stiles directly to one of the druids when they get into town. It’s late and he doesn’t care. He can’t, won’t risk Stiles. They needed to fix this possession problem now.
They do.
Derek wants to drive right back to Beacon Hills and punch Deaton in the face. The fix is quick and easy.
There’s literally no chance he didn’t know how to do it, if he knew about the ritual in the first place.
He’ll get Stiles to message Scott about it, since he knows Scott won’t take his word about it.
When Stiles opens his eyes again, he’s in a bed. He feels… about a hundred pounds lighter. Like the world is brighter, clearer.
It’s… amazing. He can tell he’s slept.
For the first time in weeks he’s awake and knows he isn’t dreaming.
Derek must’ve been hovering somewhere because he knocks lightly at the door and comes in.
Without waiting because Derek and personal space are passing acquaintances at best.
He sits at the edge of the bed and puts a hand on Stiles’ shoulder. A small, brief smile and a rumble in his chest.
Stiles feels like he’s really seeing Derek for the first time.
Derek hasn’t said a single word and since they aren’t being antagonistic, since Stiles hasn’t had a chance to annoy Derek, he can understand all the things Derek is communicating without words.
Knows that Derek was worried. That he’s glad to see Stiles awake. That he’s comforting Stiles and telling him that everything will be okay. That he’s safe.
“Thanks, Derek,” Stiles says quietly. Not wanting to disturb this peaceful moment between them. This one, true moment of understanding. Perhaps the first they’ve ever had.
“You fixed the problem, whatever it was. The darkness is gone. Last night is the longest sleep I’ve had in weeks. And the first night without nightmares in just as long,” Stiles feels his stomach, long-neglected, ache with hunger, “Um… any chance there’s food? I’m starving. I have no idea how much I’ve actually been eating.”
Derek nods and pulls him out of bed. A hand on the small of his back to guide him.
It’s not necessary but Stiles enjoys the warm sense of safety and protection it gives him, so he says nothing. For once just letting Derek help without protesting or making a big production out of it.
Derek can tell that something has changed. That Stiles has changed. He’s actually listening to Derek.
Sure, he’s still rambling and talking a mile a minute. But he waits for feedback. Pays attention to Derek’s body language and vocalizations. Gives extra time if something he says requires a verbal response.
Suddenly they’re having actual conversations.
Stiles is the first non-family member he’s had a real conversation with since before the fire.
It’s thrilling.
It makes his heart pound and the scent of Stiles as they have a conversation without the sour notes of frustration that used to be frequent…
Well. It’s a thought for later.
“Dude, I seriously love this town,” Stiles began but stopped when Derek growled, “Fuck. Okay. I’ll stop calling you dude. Or I’ll try. Sorry. I know you’ve told me not to. Please be patient while I learn not to be a little shit.”
Derek sighs and nods. Eyebrows relaxed, even though the rest of his face is blank.
“Cool. Thanks. But seriously! Have you seen the library? Have you!?” Stiles demands with a flailing hand.
Derek rolls his eyes.
“Right. You used it to research my problem. Am I allowed to live there? Can I never leave and read all the things? Pretty please?” Stiles tries to make puppy eyes.
Derek snorts and huffs.
“Whatever, sourwolf. I’m a treasure and they’d be lucky to have me. As cool as this place is, it’s also kind of freaking me out a little. No, don’t growl, it’s not the people. Wolves. Whatever. I’m not used to people being so nice and friendly. People know me too well in Beacon Hills. So they tend to be unfriendly in the hopes that I won’t talk their ears off.
“Not that I haven’t been doing that here… But it’s honestly kind of refreshing to get a clear, concise growl when people want me to stop. It’s better than being told to shut up all the time. And instead of getting more and more irritated, they just growl and walk away! I totally get why that was a thing with you. It’s a lot more honest than someone seething in irritation as I ramble, then being super unfriendly the next time I see them so I won’t talk to them,” Stiles has been emphatically gesturing the entire time he’d been speaking.
Several people in their vicinity were looking on in amusement.
The juxtaposition of one of the least verbal werewolves in town with a human who never stops talking is endearing.
Especially since Stiles was interacting with Derek’s non-verbal signals as if it was a dialogue.
Perhaps in another town, this would look a little strange. For one, humans don’t typically growl. For another, Derek’s face doesn’t give much away. Yet Stiles can read it clearly enough. It implies a certain level of intimacy, for Stiles to know Derek so well.
A lot of the onlookers can scent that Derek is fond and amused. Even if his face looks bitchy.
They also simply don’t get a lot of new humans to the area. Most of them have grown up in the town and are used to its idiosyncrasies. It’s interesting to hear an outside perspective.
Stiles, in his typical fashion, dove headfirst into learning wolf communication.
Roping Cora into giving him ‘Growl 101’ lessons. Not only attempting to learn the nuances of various wolf vocalizations but, fuck Derek’s life, learning to do them himself.
It’s brought them to this moment.
Cora and Stiles are on the couch and Stiles is practicing various growls.
It’s adorable.
Honestly the cutest thing Derek has seen since… possibly forever.
Combined with the warmth Derek feels that Stiles is trying to communicate on his level?
It’s doing things to Derek’s heart.
Things that had been easier to ignore when Stiles’ scent had always been tinged with frustration when they’d been in Beacon Hills.
It resolves Derek to work on his human social skills. Stiles might be learning to understand Derek without words, but Derek knows he loves them. So Derek will dust off his rusty skills and practice.
He wasn’t ready for his dad to come. He’s happy to see his dad, of course. But the fact that he’s better and the problem fixed means he has to go back to Beacon Hills.
Stiles has missed enough school. And his grades had suffered while he fought off being possessed.
He knows it’s necessary.
But he’s fallen in love with the town.
(And maybe not just the town…)
Using Words and Growls
It’s been a few days since Stiles left. Derek misses him. So he takes a deep breath and sends a text:
[Derek]: I miss you.
Writing is easier than talking, but Derek had promised himself that he’d give Stiles words. The reply is quick:
[Stiles]: Aw, you *aren’t* a sourwolf at all are you, sweetwolf? I miss you too. And the town. And Cora. And the library.
[Derek]: Sweetwolf, really? 🙄️😒️
[Stiles]: Too late! I’ve seen your true colors, big guy.
[Stiles]: I know it was only a few days but I suddenly feel like I fit in less in Beacon Hills than when I left. I never fit in but I was used to it. Almost comfortable.
[Stiles]: It doesn’t help that I don’t know how to talk to Scott anymore. It still hurts that he didn’t listen and take me seriously when I tried to say something was wrong.
[Stiles]: Not sure how I missed the distance between us.
[Stiles]: He won’t listen to me about the ‘darkness around our hearts’ bullshit. I keep telling him that Deaton made a mistake and it’s an easy fix.
[Stiles]: *Allison* listened. She got her dad to find a druid and got fixed.
[Stiles]: It makes me worried. What if the spirit possesses *Scott*? It would’ve been bad if it were me or Allison. But Scott’s an alpha werewolf.
[Derek]: My research suggested that Scott can’t be possessed. Something about the nature of the wolf. While there’s no difference between the wolf and me – no inner wolf – if anything submerges my conscious mind, there’ll always be a part of me that is wild and untamable. Beyond the physical enhancements, wolves have instincts and drives that exist below/beyond our conscious minds. It’s why we need anchors. Not to tie us to our humanity – we aren’t human – but keep our conscious mind in place. So we’re in control, not our instincts.
[Stiles]: Shit. That was practically a *novel*.
[Stiles]: Are you possessed? Should I be worried? 😜️
[Derek]: 😠️🖕️
[Derek]: If you can learn to growl, I can use my words.
[Stiles]: Ugh. ‘Use your words’ makes me cringe now. I’m so fucking sorry.
[Stiles]: Obviously, I did a bunch of research when you told me that you were put in a ‘special’ class.
[Stiles]: And. Well. Telling neuro-typical kids to ‘use your words’ might be a totally valid way to encourage language development and better social behavior…
[Stiles]: I read a blog post by an autistic person talking about how awful it was to grow up being told that her thoughts and feelings didn’t matter unless she used the words other people thought she should.
[Stiles]: Here’s the link in case you were interested: http://timetolisten.blogspot.com/2013/10/if-you-dont-use-your-words-you-wont-be.html
[Derek]: It’s okay. We both made mistakes. What matters is that we’re trying to fix them.
[Stiles]: Yeah, man.
[Stiles]: Being here feels like trying to stuff my feet into shoes that are too small.
[Stiles]: I was fine wearing them. Didn’t notice how they felt tighter and tighter by small increments.
[Stiles]: Then I took them off. Pressure I didn’t even know was there was suddenly relieved.
[Stiles]: Now I have to wear them and I can deal. But I can’t stop noticing how they don’t fit anymore.
[Derek]: I think that’s called growing up.
[Stiles]: Yeah, I guess. But I always thought I’d grow up *with* Scott. Instead we’re growing apart.
[Stiles]: What really gets me, is that it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Because I contributed to this distance as much as he did.
[Stiles]: Started spending more time with you out of a misguided attempt to improve your communication skills. Was spending lots of time researching so we could be prepared.
[Stiles]: And, sure, I did these things for Scott. At first. But I came to enjoy them, for my own sake.
[Derek]: Must’ve been my stellar personality and charisma.
[Stiles]: Omg! I choked on my drink. Warn a guy if you’re going to start being funny.
[Derek]: No.
[Derek]: 😎️
[Stiles]: You’re the *worst*.
[Derek]: attached image of a black wolf curled up on a couch
[Stiles]: Omg. Is this a thing we do? Send pictures of cute animals? I’m so down!
[Stiles]: Look at that puppy! He’s the cutest puppy to *ever* puppy! 🐶🐕
[Derek]: 😒️
[Derek]: That isn’t a dog. It’s me.
[Stiles]: What? WHAT!?
[Stiles]: Derek. DEREK! You better not be fucking with me. When did this become a thing? Have you been holding out on me?
[Derek]: No. It’s rare. My mom could do it.
[Derek]: I was running the other day and it just… happened.
[Stiles]: That is so *cool*. You are the coolest *ever*.
[Stiles]: With the full understanding that you aren’t a dog and not anyone’s pet… would you let me pet you?
[Stiles]: You look so soft and fuzzy. I wanna die.
[Derek]: Maybe. You’ll have to see the next time you visit.
[Stiles]: I was already planning on visiting again. Now though? No power on this earth will stop me.
[Stiles]: I can’t do the pack meetings anymore. Wait, no, I can’t do the *pack* anymore.
[Stiles]: I tried. Boy, have I tried.
[Stiles]: It’s amazing how a few days in that town changed *everything* for me. I know you tried your best but it was my first experience of a functional pack.
[Stiles]: And then what I learned about wolf communication…
[Stiles]: Look. I hate the twins. But I could deal. Like I could work with Peter. But. Like. Beyond not understanding why no one seems to remember what they did (and fuck, I’m so sorry about what they did to you), I don’t get how Scott can trust them.
[Stiles]: Sure. They act like Scott’s the alpha. But everything in their body language says otherwise. They haven’t submitted. They don’t respect Scott.
[Stiles]: I tried to talk about it, with Scott. But he thinks I’m jealous because one of them is dating Lydia.
[Stiles]: Which is only another sign of the distance between us. My crush on Lydia died in the warehouse when Jackson came back to life. He should know this.
[Stiles]: I want to keep helping, I do. But I can’t if the alpha won’t listen. If I don’t trust pack members not to stab me in the back.
[Stiles]: So… I’ve decided to do the mature thing and just… let it go. I’ll keep tabs to make sure my dad stays safe.
[Stiles]: But one human can’t stand alone against the forces of darkness.
[Stiles]: Okay. So that’s a little dramatic. Sue me.
[Derek]: I’m sorry, Stiles.
[Derek]: Not sure if this matters, but you’ll always be pack to me.
[Stiles]: It matters. Fuck. I’m actually crying, you asshole.
[Stiles]: You know… You might not use a lot of words, but you always seem to find the right ones.
[Derek]: 😎️
[Derek]: I think we’ve decided to stay in this town.
[Derek]: We could find our own territory. Maybe one of us could become an alpha. Start our own pack.
[Derek]: And maybe we’ll want that in the future. But for now and probably for a long while, this is where we’ll be.
[Derek]: Both of us have had so much shit in our lives. Being able to simply exist is nice. To be safe. To have a home.
[Stiles]: I’m so happy for you. You deserve this. And all the nice things.
[Stiles]: Deaton is such an asshole.
[Stiles]: I’m pretty sure, at this point, that the shit he pulled with the ritual was on purpose.
[Stiles]: Don’t know why and I don’t care anymore.
[Stiles]: Did you know I could do magic? He mentioned once that I should ‘be the spark’ and I completed a mountain ash circle, even though there wasn’t enough.
[Stiles]: And then… nothing.
[Stiles]: Except it isn’t nothing. I was reading this book and it turns out that it means I can do magic. I can learn magic.
[Stiles]: It’s awesome.
[Derek]: The library here has lots of resources. And there are a few different kinds of magic users, not just druids, living here.
[Derek]: Something to consider.
[Stiles]: Why, Derek Hale, are you trying to seduce me with knowledge and magic?
[Stiles]: Because it’s totally working, you foul seductress.
[Derek]: 🤨️
[Derek]: You’re ridiculous.
[Derek]: I’m a wolf. I like having pack close.
[Stiles]: 😳
[Stiles]: How serious were you about wanting me to be close?
[Stiles]: Like. That was totally an invitation to move there… And, um, live with you, right?
[Derek]: 🙄️
[Derek]: Yes, Stiles.
[Stiles]: Cool.
A moment later, at the very edge of his hearing, Derek heard a familiar engine. The flutter of a heartbeat he knew well.
Stiles.
He was here.
Derek didn’t understand. Stiles had turned eighteen a month ago and still had half his senior year left. It wasn’t even a break.
It didn’t take long for the jeep to pull up and Derek was already waiting at the door. He didn’t care about looking too eager. It’d been over a year since he’d seen Stiles.
Time they’d spent texting and talking and getting to know each other.
Time Derek had spent falling in love.
The scent of Stiles was like a blanket, engulfing him and warming him. He didn’t even hesitate to pull Stiles into his arms to greedily inhale with his face buried at Stiles’ throat.
Stiles wrapped his arms around Derek and was squeezing firm and tight.
“Hey, sweetwolf. I missed you too. So much,” Stiles said.
Derek just whined a little and held tighter.
Stiles laughed and it was beautiful.
“What.”
Stiles smiled at Derek’s flat tone. His expressionless face. Before he’d have taken this to mean that Derek was annoyed and unhappy about Stiles’ surprise arrival.
He knew better now. Derek was happy and overwhelmed. It had taken him a lot of effort to get that one word out. But he’d tried. For Stiles.
“So, it looks like without running around all night trying to deal with supernatural emergencies and enough motivation, I can get a lot done. Like… graduating early,” Stiles explained.
“College,” Derek said with a raised eyebrow, relaxing now that he knew nothing bad was behind Stiles’ unexpected appearance.
“I got into a few places. Most notably OSU-Cascades. Which, if I’ve done my research correctly, is only two hours away. And I’m never wrong,” Stiles smugly said.
“Your dad,” Derek’s brows drew together in concern.
“Well. You know I’ve been growing up. Learning to let things go. I love my dad but I’ve finally accepted that it isn’t my job to take care of him. He’s a grown man. So am I. I know I’m barely eighteen but I helped murder someone at sixteen. I realized that if I wanted him to respect me as an adult, I needed to break free of the toxic dynamic we had. If I want to have a life of my own, I can’t spend my life watching his diet.
“He wasn’t happy about my decision to graduate early, my choice of college, and me moving here. He thinks I should live up to my potential or whatever. He somehow doesn’t factor in my magic when he says that. That’ll be my focus. Not even sure I want to go to college. I have time to decide.
“He knows about werewolves. But… he doesn’t understand. Not really. I don’t blame him. Even in the middle of everything, I didn’t understand for a long time. You helped a lot with that.
“He doesn’t understand pack. And the pull you feel deep inside to be with your pack. Humans can feel the pack bond, I’ve learned that. I’ve also learned I’m somewhat more than human. There’s magic in me and now that I’m aware… I can sense the connection we have. That I have to Cora.
“That connection kept me going this past year. Without it, growing apart from Scott would’ve destroyed me. But it also hurts to be so far from you and Cora.
“I like it. Like being in a pack with you. I was willing to die for Scott. Moving to a small mountain town to be with my pack is, well, peanuts in comparison.
“He doesn’t get it. But he’s supporting me. Because I’m an adult and this is my decision,” Stiles concluded.
He waited. Giving time for Derek to process that deluge of words. He could tell the exact moment Derek processed and understood.
A small, happy smile curled his lips. Eyes crinkled and sparkling with happiness.
It took Stiles’ breath away.
He watched as Derek inhaled and his smile grew, looking at him. Stiles had zero doubt all his love and affection was written across his face and body. He wouldn’t ever hide that he’d fallen for Derek. For the man he’d improbably gotten to know, despite their differences and issues with communication.
And, the giant asshole said, “I love you too, Stiles.”
Like Stiles said, he always found the right words.
It was remarkably easy to settle into a life with Cora and Derek.
The transition was made easier because he’d spent the last year trying to let go of his assumptions about werewolves. Letting go of a desire to understand their behaviour from a human perspective.
To a certain extent, it wasn’t that much of an adjustment. It would be just as ridiculous going to another country, where they didn’t speak English, and expecting them to behave like Americans and to speak English just to accommodate him.
Maybe he could have different expectations if Derek had moved in with him and his dad. But he’d moved into their home to be a part of a werewolf pack. Getting upset or annoyed when they didn’t act human was his problem, not theirs.
The first thing he’d had to adjust to was a very different understanding of privacy.
+
“Have fun spanking the monkey, Stilinski?” Cora asked when Stiles came into the living room.
He instantly blushed and groaned, “Why? Why must you comment on that? Can’t a guy get a little privacy during his happy, fun alone time?”
“We can hear you jerking off and smell the results,” Cora said.
“But can’t you give me the illusion of pretending you can’t?” Stiles begged.
“No. Deal with it, Stilinski.”
“You’re the worst,” Stiles grumbled.
+
“Don’t you get worried about chafing?” Cora asked.
Stiles growled because, no.
He and Derek were in love, yes. But they hadn’t had sex and were taking things slow.
The problem? Stiles is eighteen and Derek is extra, mega hot.
So, yeah. He was jerking off a lot.
Cora just smiled but didn’t say anything else.
+
“I see you were at it again,” Cora said with a sly smile.
Stiles just shrugged. This was, like, the eleven millionth time she was commenting on his happy, fun alone time.
He couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed anymore.
She nodded in satisfaction, “Glad that’s done with. Training you out of human expectations for privacy was getting boring.”
“Wait, what?” Stiles demanded.
“Derek knows what you’ve been doing. I know that he’s been doing it just as much. He’s never said anything because he doesn’t care, not because of some idea that jerking off or sex or whatever is impolite to talk about. This was the easiest way to get you to internalize that we know a lot of stuff humans consider private because of our senses. So it’s just not private to us. You jerking off is about as interesting to me as those shitty videogames you play. I know you do both and if I don’t talk to you about them, it’s because I don’t care,” Cora explained.
“You know, I want to be mad about this. But it’s honestly refreshing not being embarrassed about something a lot of people do. Still. You’re a jerk and I’ll get you back,” Stiles said, punctuating his statement with a little growl.
“Oh yeah? Bring it, Stilisnki.”
Stiles pretty much died of the cute the first time he saw Derek fully shifted.
Yeah, sure, he was huge and had giant teeth. But he was also fluffy and soft.
And totally willing to let Stiles pet him. The cuddling was phenomenal. Much better when Derek was in his wolf-shape than his human one.
See… they cuddled a lot when Derek was human-shaped. It was good. It was. Because Stiles loved Derek and being spooned or having Derek’s weight on top of him was amazing.
But Derek was like… solid muscle. He had all these bulges. It wasn’t the comfiest.
If Stiles rested his head on Derek’s chest, his neck bent at an uncomfortable angle. Even when being the little spoon, Derek had to keep the arm under his head straight because his giant bicep was like lying on a rock.
Actually, most of Derek was like lying on a rock.
As much as Stiles appreciated the aesthetic appeal of all that muscle, he kind of wished Derek was a little… squishier. Even those abs. Like… a little bit of cushioning wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?
Wolf-shaped, though? Derek was just as bulky and muscular but he had all that fur and fluff to soften it up.
Thus, it was the superior shape for cuddling.
“Why are you here?” asked the entirely unknown woman.
Stiles was reading at the coffee shop. Learning more about magic.
“Um, what? Because I like coffee? It’s a nice cafe,” Stiles said, confused.
She huffed impatiently, “No. Why are you in this town?”
If he hadn’t been here for a month already and if she hadn’t been the fifth person to ask him this question, he’d have thought she was rude.
“I moved here to be with my pack,” he said.
She made a questioning noise.
“I’m also super in love with Derek,” he continued.
She stared at him for a long, long moment and then walked away.
Beacon Hills hadn’t been small enough for everyone to know everyone. People gossiped but it wasn’t the sort of small-town gossip he’d expected when he moved here.
He figured that everyone would know who he was and why he was here.
Turns out that werewolves don’t gossip. It was the whole privacy thing on a larger scale.
Werewolves got a lot of information from their environment. Part of staying in control was filtering out what wasn’t important. People didn’t gossip when there weren’t really any secrets. No thrill or satisfaction in it. Most people could smell his pack affiliation, so they knew he was trustworthy. And, thus, most simply didn’t care who he was or what he was doing in their town. Anyone who did care asked outright like the woman.
Also not a smart idea to talk shit about people behind their backs. Since it wasn’t really possible and it was a good way to instigate a confrontation. You were less likely to get into a fight if you just told someone to their face that you didn’t like them.
He’d seen both things happen. Passive-aggressively talking shit about someone? Not okay. Walking up to them and saying that you thought they were garbage? Fine. Whatever.
It seriously explained so much about Derek’s behaviour when they’d met. Not sugar coating anything. He’d written in his letter that he’d interacted with Stiles like a wolf. Stiles finally understood just how true that was.
Made Stiles realize that he’d started earning Derek’s respect because he’d been willing to talk shit about Derek to his face, instead of muttering behind his back. For someone like Derek, who was so imposing and intense, he heard people talking shit about him all the time when he was around humans.
But rarely to his face.
Watching as Stiles settled into the pack and the town filled Derek with an improbably warm glow.
Derek still had no idea why Stiles had decided that Derek was worth all this effort. Sure, Derek understood that Stiles had wanted to protect Scott. That was the whole point to the communication initiative.
But Stiles could’ve accomplished that by simply passing messages back and forth. He hadn’t needed to spend time with Derek. He certainly hadn’t needed to care once Derek was gone, letter or not.
Derek got that all of this wasn’t just for him. If anything could be said about Stiles, it’s that he did what he wanted. He’d made this choice. Derek loved him for it but also saw just how good it had been for Stiles.
Stiles seemed happy and settled in a way that Derek had never seen. Comfortable in his own skin and growing confident.
At the beginning, Derek had been drawn to Stiles’ brightness and enthusiasm. But there’d only been flashes when he’d been around Derek. And fewer of those as the shit in Beacon Hill’s started to wear him down.
Now Stiles was all brightness and enthusiasm most of the time and the scent was intoxicating.
Derek was being super frustrating.
Stiles growled at him because Derek needed to stop before Stiles did something. What, exactly, he wasn’t sure.
He also knew that he very much liked the playful gleam in Derek’s eyes. Except that he didn’t because he was annoyed.
Derek growled back. Small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
He growled louder, trying to remain stern because he would not be distracted!
Derek darted in and gave Stiles a quick kiss, backing away with another playful growl.
Stiles pounced.
He couldn’t help himself. Derek wasn’t usually playful. It was adorable. And sexy.
They ended up kind of wrestling but also mostly making out.
Stiles had always thought that Derek would be super intense in bed. And, sure, that’s how it was sometimes.
It was hot. Stiles liked it.
But he liked this better. He was so turned on but also riding a wave of giddy joy.
Rolling around with Derek while he laughed and smiled was literally the best thing ever.
Conjugating Growls in the Future Tense
“I’ve been learning more about werewolves in the library. There are conflicting theories about mates, which makes me think that it isn’t a fact. Like… not something true like red eyes marks the alpha,” Stiles began, “Did your family have a stance about mates?”
Derek raised an eyebrow.
“I’m mostly curious. But… I guess I also want to know what you think about it. If you believe mates are a real thing. And, if you do, what’s your opinion?” Stiles answered.
He stopped and waited.
It wasn’t hard to wait anymore. Not when he truly cared about what Derek had to say. Not when, if he did give Derek time to think and reply, he generally talked more than Stiles had guessed he could.
“Wolves use the term ‘mate’ like humans use spouse. What you call someone you’re in a long-term, committed relationship with. Maybe if you’ve had some sort of ceremony. You’re asking about the more… mystical notion with bonds, right?” Derek asked
Stiles nodded.
Derek continued, “My mom was a bit of a romantic. She definitely believed in mates. But… not in a human way. Not soulmates. We don’t believe in souls. It’s also not instinct. We won’t scent a specific person and know they’re our mate. I’m sure your conflicting accounts of mates can be generally grouped into the two theories for why werewolves exist. One group thinks it’s biological and the other thinks it’s magical. The magical theory is obviously older. That’s what my mom taught us.
“You’re studying magic so you know that belief and intent are foundational to magic. That’s how mating works, too. You can create a special bond between people if you believe with your whole heart and want it with everything that you are. If you have faith. It isn’t permanent, though. It will only last as long as the people involved have faith in the bond. As long as they believe in it.
“My parents were mates. They had a bond that went beyond the love and affection that grows over time. My mom’s views were influential because she was one of the few capable of a full shift. Whenever people asked how, she’d say that it was because she believed she could. Most thought it was because of the Hale bloodlines,” Derek shrugged.
Stiles made a questioning noise that was all werewolf, wanting to know if Derek was finished.
Derek nodded.
“Your mom sounds like the coolest. I’ve been sitting on the fence about the whole biology versus magic debate but I’m totally going to side with your mom. She sounded like she knew what she was talking about. Also, I totally can believe you’re magic. No other explanation for why you’re so awesome!” Stiles said with a cheeky grin.
Derek gave Stiles a grumpy look and a mock growl. Stiles only smiled wider.
Since Stiles was, in fact, learning magic and did know how important belief was, he put his whole heart into believing that mates were real.
Into believing that Derek was his mate.
If it did nothing, fine.
But he loved Derek. He’d already chosen Derek. Couldn’t ever imagine making a different choice.
Stiles was built to be loyal and Derek had earned that.
Had already repaid his faith.
Nothing was guaranteed to last forever. Certainly not his relationship and love for Derek.
But Stiles wanted to believe it would.
Wanted to have faith and do everything he could to make it work.
Wanted to nurture and tend to their relationship to keep it healthy and alive.
They’d already come so far. Both putting time and effort into learning to communicate and listen. How to cross what seemed like an impossible chasm.
So Stiles believed. Took a leap of faith and trusted that Derek would catch him.
Life with Stiles was so much better than Derek ever would’ve imagined.
Derek was amazed at what a difference good communication made. Even more amazed that Stiles had been willing to put in as much effort as he had. Derek, of course, was determined to meet Stiles halfway.
He was talking more than he ever had. It didn’t feel natural but got better the more he practiced. It helped a lot that Stiles would wait for answers.
The conversation about mates had been… emotional.
Derek probably spent too much time remembering his family. There was a reason why the wolves he knew said grief was embedded in his scent.
But he hadn’t thought about his mother and her romantic notions in a long time.
It’d been even longer since he’d believed in a better future.
He remembered being a foolish boy wanting a mate. Wanting that fairy tale.
He’d chased after the slightest hint that it might be possible. Too young and stupid to understand his feelings.
So there’d been Paige. Then Kate.
Not Jennifer. That had been him looking for comfort at a time when he felt he had no one.
Here was Stiles, though.
Derek found himself believing. Letting himself believe.
Nurtured the small seed of hope with Stiles’ love and sunshine. Contributed his own.
It was terrifying. Thrilling.
So he hoped.
Stiles felt like he’d settled into the rhythm of the town. It was so easy to feel comfortable here.
Safe, too.
It wasn’t besieged with monsters and death and darkness like Beacon Hills.
Stiles would research in the library for part of his day. Sometimes he’d see one of the town magic users for instruction.
He hadn’t quite found which path his magic would take. He honestly enjoyed learning about the theory and history more than practical applications, which had surprised him. Then again, his life wasn’t one unending conflict so he didn’t need to be practical.
Still, he learned some important things, mainly focusing on defensive stuff. He wanted to set up what protections he could for his dad the next time he was in Beacon Hills.
Stiles was also learning that he didn’t actually want to be in fights. Didn’t want to have to hurt people. Everything he’d done was to protect Scott and his friends.
Getting into the rhythm of things hadn’t been easy. Because Stiles had learned that there was no such thing as ‘werewolf culture’, at least not in the way human’s understood it.
Stiles had asked at the library for resources about pack protocol and rules. The librarians had just shrugged and said there weren’t any.
He’d gone home and asked Derek about it.
“Hey, Derek, I asked at the library for books about werewolf culture and pack protocol and they said there weren’t any. How do I learn about this stuff? I don’t want to break rules or be an insensitive ass,” Stiles asked.
After thinking for a long moment Derek said, “We don’t have any rules or laws. We rely on instinct and pack bonds.”
“Oh. But what about the humans? We don’t have the instincts,” Stiles wanted to know.
“I’m not sure. Maybe they follow the lead of the wolves?” Derek said with a shrug.
“How do humans usually end up in a pack? By being born into it? What are the chances of humans being born if one or more of the parents is a werewolf? Does born or bitten make a difference?” Stiles seriously had so many questions.
“If one parent is a werewolf, the children are always werewolves. Humans usually join as spouses or an infertile couple will adopt one. Or a pack will simply find a human who fits and they’ll end up becoming pack,” Derek explained.
“Really? Always a werewolf? That doesn’t make any genetic sense…” Stiles mumbled.
“Because it has nothing to do with genes, it’s one reason the scientific theory of werewolves hasn’t gained more ground. Werewolves are magical creatures. It’s how the bite of an alpha can turn a mundane human into a supernatural creature,” Derek hoped he was being clear.
Stiles gives a small growl, “I still have so much to learn.”
Derek loved the lazy days he could spend in his fur and hanging out with Stiles.
Regardless of his shape he was Derek but expectations were different when people saw him as a wolf. No one expected him to say anything.
He also really enjoyed the way Stiles pet him. While Stiles could pet him when he was human-shaped, it frequently had a sexual edge to it.
Which was fine.
But shaped like a wolf, it was always just indulgent, non-sexual touching. And Stiles pampered him. Derek still wasn’t great at asking for things, especially if they were just about making him feel good.
When he was like this, Stiles would brush his fur. Rub his belly. And Derek could let him. Didn’t feel guilty.
Before, Derek wouldn’t have done any of this with Stiles. Sure that Stiles would treat him like a dog or a pet. He could trust him, now, not to do that. Stiles talked to him like he normally did. They had entire conversations now that Stiles could understand what Derek was communicating with his growls and other vocalizations.
All while stroking his fur.
Derek knew that Stiles liked it just as much. When they did this, his scent got more and more relaxed. Warmer and more content.
Stiles enjoyed taking care of people. Not always. Not all the time. But he liked being able to pamper Derek. Liked that Derek trusted him to do this.
It felt like a kind of trust and intimacy Derek had never expected to find. Never actually thought was possible.
Stiles can barely believe how long he’s been living in this small town with Derek and Cora.
They’re going to Beacon Hills to see Scott and the rest of his pack graduate.
While they’d drifted apart, Stiles still loves Scott. Still cares a lot about the pack he left behind (minus a few individuals). So he’ll watch them walk the stage and cheer them on.
At first, he said he’d go alone. Derek refused. And since Derek was going, Cora was going. They were a pack both wolves said, so they moved together. Stayed together.
Maybe if Stiles had been going somewhere else, it’d be fine. But Beacon Hills had a way of generating chaos and drawing you in. They refused to let him be alone in case something happened.
He’d put up a protest because they shouldn’t have to go back. But it’d been a weak protest. He wanted them there. Wanted his pack close.
Especially when there were people he didn’t trust at all in Scott’s pack. Or in the town. Like the twins. Or Deaton. The three of them made his skin crawl.
It was a relief knowing that the druid had truly cleansed whatever that darkness around his heart was supposed to be. He didn’t feel a suffocating weight on his chest when they entered the town limits.
Not enough for him to want to move back, but it was good to know he’d be able to visit his dad without dreading it.
While it is true that there wasn’t much in the way of pack protocol, it was generally considered a good idea for outside wolves to visit the alpha. So that their scents would be known and in case the alpha didn’t want them there. It could be dangerous otherwise.
So their first stop was to see Scott.
And Stiles, for the first time since he was a kid, rang the doorbell.
Scott opened the door with a puzzled look on his face, “Stiles, why are you ringing the doorbell? Oh, hey, Derek. Hey, Cora.”
“Hey, Scott. Just wanted to let you know that we’re in town for your graduation. Making sure the alpha knows there’s another pack around,” Stiles explained.
“Dude, you know you’re always welcome. Same with you guys,” Scott said with a nod to Cora and Derek, “We didn’t always get along but this is your home too.”
Stiles smiled and went in for a hug, ignoring Derek’s low, irritated growl.
“Wait, what pack? You mean Cora and Derek?” Scott said as he pulled away.
“Well, yeah. Them and me,” Stiles said.
Scott’s eyes flashed red and he growled, “Stiles, you’re in my pack.”
Stiles growled back and it startled the aggression out of Scott.
“Dude, you totally just growled at me! Sorry. Instincts sometimes just jump up and bite me. Seriously, though. We’re pack, right?” Scott said.
“No, not really. I love you forever, dude, but I can’t be in a pack with the twins. It’s cool, though. We’ll always be best friends. I just like my new home. It’s part of growing up, yeah?” Stiles said.
“They’ve changed! But, sure. It’s your choice. We’re forever bros,” Scott nodded.
“Cool. We gotta go see my dad. Catch up with you later!” Stiles said as they left.
Derek was worried about Stiles. Since the conversation with Scott he’d been anxious and unhappy.
They were at his dad’s house and Stiles was pacing around. Cora was watching TV and Derek decided that maybe being wolf-shaped would help. It usually did.
He shifted and licked Stiles’ hand.
“Gross! But I see what you’re doing, sweetwolf,” Stiles said as he sat down, petting Derek’s fur.
Derek made a noise to ask what was wrong.
“Just being reminded of the reasons I left. Like the fact that Scott is so… blase about the twins and pack stuff. I know he’s a laid back guy when nothing is going on but he should be more invested in his pack. I’m also remembering that I don’t actually like most of the people in Scott’s pack. Isaac and I have never gotten along. The fact that Lydia continued to date Aiden made me lose respect for her. I don’t even need to mention the twins. I’m still ambivalent about Allison. Sometimes growing up sucks,” Stiles said.
Derek whined.
“But it can also be great. Because I have you and Cora now. But especially you. I totally love you and it’s all worth it. I can deal with all of this because I’m not alone. Because I have a pack. Coming back here for graduation kind of feels like closure. Something I didn’t even know I needed. But… endings are always a little sad even when they’re good.”
Stiles had cheered and clapped for his friends. It had been cleansing. A way to remember the good things and let go of the bad.
The pack was having a private graduation party and it was… interesting.
There were new pack members. People Stiles had never met before.
Kira was sweet. Liam was kinda dopey and it’d surprised Stiles to find out that Scott had bitten him. Stiles didn’t trust Theo at all. Dude was shadier than Deaton and that was saying something.
Stiles didn’t say anything. It wasn’t his pack and he didn’t want to get involved.
Cora had flatly refused to go because she didn’t know or like anyone in Scott’s pack.
Derek had come in his wolf-shape because he didn’t want to make idle conversation with people who generally didn’t like him.
That had surprised everyone. Almost none of them knew that a full shift was even possible. At first, Stiles had needed to act as a buffer until he made it very clear that Derek wasn’t a dog and no one should pet him unless he invited it. It had been jarring because Derek has said as much by growling and baring his teeth but no one had paid much attention to that.
Stiles had gotten so used to listening when Derek communicated like a wolf that he’d forgotten that most didn’t understand or care to understand. He knew for sure that Ethan and Aiden, at least, understood but they hadn’t even tried to pet Derek. Stiles would’ve thought Scott should understand but he didn’t. Not quite leaning into his instincts.
They were in a corner discussing whether or not to leave. Stiles didn’t want to be cajoled into staying when he was bored and feeling pretty much done, so he was making just as many wolf noises when he realized that several people were watching.
“What?” he asked.
“Were you just talking wolf?” Liam sounded amazed.
“Yes? Just because Derek can’t use words right now, doesn’t mean he can’t communicate. You’re a werewolf, you should know this,” Stiles replied.
“I’ve been learning how to stay human, not talk wolf,” Liam said defensively.
“Sure. Control is important but you have the instincts. I had to learn the hard way,” Stiles didn’t actually understand what the problem was.
Derek huffed and made a complicated sound.
“Oh, yeah. That makes sense,” Stiles replied.
“What did he just say?” Kira asked.
“Oh, no. I’m not his translator. He speaks for himself. Ask one of the other wolves if you want to know,” Stiles looked at the still curious faces and decided that he really didn’t want to do this, “Anyway. We were just discussing leaving. So, um, congratulations everyone and have a good night!”
Stiles left amidst protests and entreaties to stay.
They were getting ready to leave when Scott arrived.
“Oh, you guys leaving already?” he asked.
“Yeah, we have a long drive,” Stiles said.
“I’m going to load the car,” Derek said and leaned in to give Stiles a quick kiss.
Scott gaped, “Dude, you guys are together?”
“Yeah… Couldn’t you tell? I’m told we smell like we’ve been bathing in each other’s scent,” Stiles said.
“I guess. You guys do smell similar. I thought it was because you were living together. But I guess Cora’s scent isn’t as strong,” Scott said, seeming to think hard about it.
“What do we owe the pleasure of the illustrious true alpha coming to see us off?” Stiles asked.
“Well… I was going to ask if you guys could help with a problem. Theo said he smelled something strange in the preserve and Deaton suggested you might be able to help.”
Stiles just stared at Scott for a long moment, “Um… no. If you need some help with research, I can help when we get back home because the library is awesome. But we are definitely not going to investigate anything on the word of Theo. Or Deaton.”
“Huh? Why not?” Scott was making his still adorable ‘I’m confused’ face.
“I don’t trust Deaton and I trust Theo even less. That dude is seriously shady.”
“You’re always so paranoid. But you’re seriously just going to leave and not help?” Scott looked surprised and hurt.
Normally, this would be the point that Stiles caved but he wasn’t moved by Scott’s expression.
“Yup. I told you how I can help. You’re the alpha, man. You can totally handle this without us,” Stiles didn’t actually believe that but decided it wasn’t really his problem. Not when he’d already given Scott the biggest clue as to who might be responsible.
Scott nodded, looking resolute, “Yeah, you’re totally right. Have a safe trip! See ya!”
“Later, dude!”
They quickly hugged.
The three of them were on the road minutes later. Scott’s request for help and it’s source making them determined to get out before they got sucked into anything.
Stiles sighed in relief when they got home.
And it was home. It’d felt that way before they went to Beacon Hills but going back had felt like closure.
Ending one chapter in his life to start another.
Letting go so his hands were free to hold onto something new.
For the very first time in his life, he felt truly free.
He and Derek had worked hard to learn how to communicate. Had been through so much together.
It felt right.
He’d already decided to take a leap of faith and hope Derek would catch him.
But his ties to the past, the things he hadn’t let go of, hadn’t allowed him to make that jump.
He knew he could make that jump now.
So, at the threshold of their home he closed his eyes, made a wish, and jumped.
Cora was inside already and Stiles had just stopped at the doorway, closing his eyes.
Derek had no idea what he was doing.
But his face held a quiet joy and peace that Derek had never seen before.
He looked radiant.
Like the full moon and Derek felt the same pull.
He swayed forward.
Needing to be close.
Needing to grab onto Stiles and never let go.
Wanting, for the first time since he was a kid, to just open his heart and embrace someone new.
So he did.
Opened his heart and wrapped his arms around Stiles.
Holding him firm but gentle.
He felt it then.
A bright supernova of love and trust and warmth.
Derek knew his mom had been right.
That he’d finally found what he’d chased as a kid and caused him so much sorrow.
He couldn’t say that mating with Stiles made it all worth it.
But it soothed the hurt. Made it less senseless.
He’d thought for years that his family had died because he’d been chasing a fairy tale.
His mom had always believed. Taught him to believe and encouraged him to follow his heart.
He thought that maybe she wouldn’t be disappointed in him after all.
The boy she’d loved had grown into a man who could still believe, with his whole heart, in fairy tales – despite all the heartbreak and sorrow.
Because she’d been right and Stiles was real. Not a dream and not a fairy tale.
This was his life and he was finally living it.