Stiles is a virgin. Everyone knows this.
Everyone knows because he whines about it at any given opportunity.
He thinks it’s especially unfair given that he has a smoking hot werewolf boyfriend.
So far, though, Derek refuses to sleep with him.
Stiles would think it was about his age, except they kill people/creatures on a semi-regular basis. Fucking his hot twenty-two-year-old boyfriend when he’s seventeen just doesn’t seem all that bad in comparison.
It’s super frustrating. In several ways.
Blue balls are the worst.
When he and Derek started dating, Derek had insisted they tell his dad right away. Stiles had protested. Sure he hated lying to his dad, but he was also a teen and telling his dad anything about his hypothetical love life was just… no.
But Derek wouldn’t date him if his dad didn’t know. Refused to sneak around and be a secret.
It had been a super uncomfortable conversation. But Derek had handled it like a champ.
“Son, why is Derek Hale in our kitchen?” the sheriff asked when he got home.
“Well, see, the thing is, dad, that Derek won’t go on a date with me if you don’t know,” Stiles blurts out. He’d been planning to work up to it but this’ll work.
“I see. Why does a grown man want to date my teenaged son?” Noah says with the type of glare that usually has people running scared.
Derek seems unbothered. He looks into the sheriff’s eye and says, “I like him.”
Stiles is surprised by two things: Derek’s easy admission that he likes Stiles and the fact that Derek isn’t doing more to impress his dad. He’d expected, at least, a ‘sir’ thrown in to show that Derek has manners.
“That’s not a real answer. He’s five years younger than you and still in high school. What’s wrong with you that you can’t find someone your own age? Or that you even want to date someone so young?” Noah does not look happy.
“I could find someone my own age. But it would be hard to find someone as loyal, brave, and kind as Stiles at any age. You, of all people, should know that Stiles is special,” Derek replies.
And, wow. Stiles hadn’t really wanted to question why Derek wanted to date him. Had been willing to go along because Derek was the hottest person he’d ever met. Was so far beyond his league that there was no way he’d say no. Except he was realizing that Derek had real, genuine feelings for him. And it was blowing his mind.
“I’ll allow that my son is special. I certainly think so. Not sure that makes you dating him okay, though,” Noah watches Derek. Waits for a reply.
Derek just looks into his eyes.
“Well?” the sheriff prompts.
“You didn’t ask a question. It’s up to you whether or not you can accept this,” Derek says.
“That’s an interesting way to phrase it. It sounds like you’re not asking for permission. And you should be. Why are you here if you aren’t seeking my blessing?” Noah asks, suspicious.
“I don’t need your blessing or permission. Stiles does. He’s worth more than sneaking around and being hidden away like some kind of shameful secret. I’ll be proud and honoured if he dates me,” Derek still has a calm expression even as he drops these little nuggets of truth like bombs.
His dad must like something about what Derek just said because he nods, “I’m not thrilled with this but I can tell that you really respect my kid. I also know my son well enough that even if I said ’no’ he’d find a way to date you anyway. I don’t want to hear anything about you pressuring him to have sex, do you understand? And, as sheriff, I have to insist that you wait until he reaches the legal age of consent.”
Derek dips his head once, acknowledging his dad’s words, “You don’t have to worry. While I want to date Stiles, I’m not ready to have sex.”
Which, wow, that’s super embarrassing and Stiles is impressed that Derek can just put it out there like that.
In retrospect, he realizes that he should’ve paid more attention to Derek’s reply.
His only defence is that he was trying not to die of embarrassment.
Stiles’ boyfriend is the perfect gentleman.
Derek is every bad-boy fantasy come to life and is the perfect gentleman. He won’t even do more than a quick peck on the lips. There’s no making out. No groping. Nothing.
He’d thought that there could be no sexual frustration like being a virgin with no prospects. How wrong he was.
So he whines and wheedles. He pushes because, well, Stiles is who he is and he’s always been the kind of person to push the limits of his boundaries.
Derek is implacable, though.
It’s doing a number on his self-esteem. He’s beginning to think that Derek just isn’t attracted to him.
He remembers what Derek told his dad. Nothing about what he’d said suggested that he was attracted to Stiles. Then again, he supposes he isn’t surprised that Derek wouldn’t want to say ‘Stiles is super hot and I want to bang him’ to his dad.
At first, Derek just takes his whining and cajoling with equanimity. A surprising amount since he’s still Derek and Stiles is still Stiles. This means he tends to annoy Derek a lot and there are many growls of frustration. Not that Stiles doesn’t find Derek just as aggravating at times.
As time goes on, though, Derek gets less patient. Stiles might be willing to admit that it might have to do with his increasingly bold attempts to get Derek to do something with him.
He feels desperate, though. Not just because of sexual frustration but because of the gnawing insecurity.
It comes to a head when Derek breaks up with him. It takes Stiles entirely off-guard. Dating has been good, outside of the whole not having sex thing.
“Stiles, I’m sorry but I can’t be in a relationship with you,” Derek says one day, out of the blue.
Stiles gapes because what?
“What? Why? This is because you aren’t attracted to me, isn’t it?” Stiles flails, heart already breaking.
“That isn’t why. Of course, I’m attracted to you. I compliment you all the time,” Derek says.
“Okay, sure. But you won’t even fool around with me. Much less do anything more. It seems so easy for you to shut me down. If you’re even half as frustrated as I am, we’d be fucking like bunnies!” Stiles exclaims.
Derek sighs, “I’m not ready to have sex.”
“Is it the age thing? You realize that I’m only a few months away from being eighteen. Does it really make that much of a difference?” Stiles demands.
“Stiles. Listen to what I’m saying: I’m not ready to have sex,” Derek says. With emphasis.
“Isn’t that supposed to be my line? I’m the virgin. You’re older and must have experience. How can you not be ready?” Stiles asks, baffled. He wants to have sex like, all the time.
“There are a few reasons I’m not ready. I won’t tell you all of them,” Stiles opens his mouth to protest but Derek gives him a hard look he’s never seen before, “because I don’t owe you an explanation. For the most part, I think you’re mature enough to know your mind and make your own decisions. I wouldn’t have dated you otherwise. You aren’t mature enough for me to have sex with.”
And Stiles really can’t hold in his comment, “So it is the age thing! You think I’m too ‘immature’ for sex? What the fuck? I can tell when I’m ready. And I am ready. How can you say that I know my own mind but assert that I’m immature in the same breath? It doesn’t make any sense!”
“Stiles,” Derek growls, “I really need you to listen and understand. I don’t dispute that you’re ready. I believe you. It’s irrelevant, though. I’ve been waiting for you to grow up and learn how consent works. How you were with Lydia was a red flag for me. The fact that you refuse to stop pressuring me to have sex with you despite the many times I’ve asked you to stop is an even bigger red flag. I was willing to wait, though. But you went too far the other day. Crossed a boundary that I can’t ignore. This is why I’m breaking up with you. I want something long-term with you but I can’t be in a relationship again with someone who won’t listen when I say ’no’.”
Stiles doesn’t even know what to think, “I know what consent means! But you’re breaking up with me because I’m pressuring you? And, what, you do this without warning? Without talking to me? Why can’t we discuss this? If you’d said something, I could’ve stopped.”
Derek raises an eyebrow. Which, fair, Stiles wasn’t known for his ability to restrain himself.
“I do listen when it matters, Derek. You know that,” Stiles says quietly.
“For the most part, yes. But you weren’t listening when I said ’no’. And that matters.”
“But why didn’t you tell me?” Stiles pleads.
“Don’t forget I know you. If I’d said something, you would’ve taken it as a starting point for negotiation. Even now, you’re trying to argue. I didn’t discuss it with you because consent is a minimal expectation in a relationship. It isn’t my job to teach you about consent, Stiles.
“I still love you. I trust you with my life, but not with my body. I’m not against the idea of getting back together in the future. But it’ll take time to rebuild our trust. I need to know that you’ll respect my boundaries before I’m willing to try again. For now, let’s just try being friends,” Derek left.
Stiles just sat, stunned. Once the numbness wore off, there was some seriously ugly crying.
It was the first time Derek said he loved him.
Life in the aftermath of the breakup was… hard.
It wasn’t only about the heartbreak, although that super sucked.
Literally every single person asked him what Derek had done. Why Stiles had broken up with him.
Stiles was an asshole in a lot of ways, but there was no way he was that big of one. Problem was that none of them really believed him when he said that Derek broke up with him.
At first.
Except when he finally convinced them, they continued to be outraged and angry on his behalf. He was never able to really convince them that Derek wasn’t the bad guy.
Part of it was that they didn’t know Derek like he did. To most them, Derek had never stopped being an angry, hardass werewolf. This especially true of Scott, who still unfairly blamed Derek for a lot of what happened in the early days.
It’d hadn’t been that big of a problem before Scott became an alpha and Derek a beta again. But Scott’s… opinion/feelings about Derek impacted the entire pack. Leaving everyone vaguely uneasy and mistrustful of the man.
Not so much that they were antagonistic, but enough that Derek was never really brought in. Never truly welcomed into the pack.
Their breakup only contributed to that and Stiles hated it. It meant that he started distancing himself from the pack. Which sucked.
It also made him realize something truly monumental: Derek had really and truly trusted him. He used to mock Derek’s epic trust issues but he understood them better now. Understood why Derek was the way he was to most of the world.
His efforts to help Scott (and Stiles) had resulted in them getting him arrested. He’d been so alone that he’d needed to threaten Stiles to get help. And Stiles had, on several occasions, advocated for Derek’s death. Said to his face that he should just leave him to die in a fucking ditch.
Derek really didn’t have anyone.
This realization and his withdrawal from the pack strangely meant that he was still spending a lot of time with Derek.
Derek had said he was fine with still being friends. If Stiles was anything, it was loyal. He wouldn’t stop being Derek’s friend even if it hurt to be around him.
It was strange, though. Stiles wanted to give Derek time and space. He needed it too. So he mostly spent a few hours every day at Derek’s loft doing homework.
They didn’t talk.
Stiles always knocked, now. He used to just barge in.
Derek always let him in.
His dad and friends were worried about him. They knew about the breakup but they didn’t know why. Stiles was… a little too embarrassed to talk about it.
How do you tell people that your hot, older boyfriend dumped you because you were pressuring him into sex? It made him sound like a creep.
He also realized that he was a creep.
Stiles wanted to argue with Derek. To defend himself.
He did have some self-awareness, though. Pushing boundaries was something he’d always done with his dad.
(He tried to ignore the small voice saying that he’d only started doing that after his mom died and his dad lost himself to drinking. The voice that said that getting into trouble had been one of the few ways he could get his dad to notice him for the first two years after she died.)
He’d always thought it was part of his charm.
So Stiles did what he did best: research.
Turns out that consent is a lot more complicated than ’no means no’.
He learned enough to know that Derek had been right. It wasn’t his job to teach Stiles consent and that he’d had every right to expect consent as a non-negotiable thing they didn’t have to discuss.
Sure… maybe Derek could’ve communicated his boundaries more clearly and directly. None of that changed the fact that Stiles should’ve always stopped when Derek told him to. Likewise, Stiles could’ve talked about his insecurities instead of pushing for sex.
The important thing was: Derek had been right. If they’d tried to negotiate boundaries instead of Derek’s blanket ‘I don’t want to have sex’, Stiles would’ve just pushed.
He was trying out self-awareness.
Denial really hadn’t been a winning strategy.
“Son, I won’t ask too many questions, but I need to know if you broke up with Derek because he was pressuring you or making you uncomfortable,” his dad asked.
Stiles didn’t want to get into with his friends, but his dad – the sheriff – needed to understand.
“No, dad. I told you. He broke up with me,” Stiles was still kind of hoping that would be enough.
“That isn’t what I was asking and you know it,” and there was the stern father glare.
Stiles sighs, “He broke up with me because I was pressuring him, dad.”
His dad blinked, “Huh. I didn’t expect that. You’re my kid and I love you, but I know better than anyone that you push boundaries. I figured Hale would hold out until you turned eighteen.”
“No, he was right to break up with me. Pushing boundaries might be part of my charm when it comes to curfew or crime scenes, but it isn’t so cute when it comes to sex. As much as this hurts, I needed to learn this lesson,” his dad nods, “I mean. Think about how you started this discussion. Asking if Derek was pressuring me. Obviously that would’ve been bad. I know it isn’t right. But somehow I didn’t think that also applied to me pressuring him? Fail. Epic fail.”
Lydia sat across from him. This conversation was going to suck. It was necessary, though.
Stiles breathed deep, “I want to apologize for being a creep for most of the time we’ve known each other. How I acted and behaved wasn’t right and I’m really sorry.”
The urge to babble and deflect was strong, but he didn’t want to dilute his apology. Lydia deserved this.
She looked at him for a long, long moment, “This is why Derek broke up with you.”
It wasn’t a question, so Stiles just nodded.
“I appreciate your apology. I forgive you. I was often cruel in how I responded but I’m not apologizing for that,” she said.
“Dude, I don’t expect one. You had every right to defend yourself against a creep who wouldn’t stop harassing you. Didn’t expect your forgiveness so easily either, so thanks. It means a lot to me,” Stiles said with a tentative smile.
“Well. I could use a friend smart enough to challenge me. We’re going shopping,” Lydia stood and started walking.
Stiles scrambled to follow, “As long as we aren’t shopping for me, I’m totally cool with it.”
“As much as I’d like to dress you in something less…” she made a vague gesture to his everything, “You’re the one who has to live with your choices. No, I need someone to carry my bags. I also want to hear more about Derek and why you haven’t been attending pack meetings lately.”
The conversation didn’t suck. And it was a relief.
Stiles thought about how being open and honest made him feel light and free, versus how anxious and insecure denial made him feel.
Something to think about.
Scott was the next person to hunt Stiles down. They were, after all, best bros and Stiles had been conspicuously distant of late.
“Dude, where have you been? I get that breaking up with Derek must’ve sucked, but we’re still here, man,” Scott’s face was so earnest. It pretty much always melted Stiles’ heart.
He had questions though. Ones that’d been building up in his chest, “Scott… did you ever apologize to Derek for forcing him to bite Gerard?”
Scott looked surprised. Clearly hadn’t been expecting that question, “Um… no? Why are you asking about that? That was forever ago.”
Stiles wasn’t done, though, “Why are the twins still here? Why are they in your pack?”
He usually thought Scott’s clueless, confused face was adorable. It was less so at this moment.
“I don’t understand. They’ve changed! I’m giving them a second chance.”
“Why isn’t Derek in your pack?”
“He is. Isn’t he? I mean, I know he tends to do the whole lone wolf thing, but I figure he just doesn’t want to hang around a bunch of teens.”
“He keeps his distance because he knows you don’t really accept him and the rest of the pack follows your lead, because you’re the alpha. You don’t like him and don’t really trust him,” Stiles said.
“I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. It’s easier now that he isn’t the alpha and stopped trying to boss us all around. But, man, he’s done a lot. You remember what he was like at the beginning. You hated him too.”
Stiles nods. He hadn’t been expecting much from this conversation. But he’d wanted to know, once and for all. He was working on not assuming he knew what others thought and felt.
He also absolutely did not have the energy to get into this conversation with Scott. He didn’t blame Scott for his decisions and behaviour. Well, okay, he did blame Scott. But he wasn’t angry about it.
Having recently been awoken to the fact that teens were selfish, thoughtless assholes – that he was a selfish, thoughtless asshole – he understood where Scott was coming from.
It still wasn’t cool and Stiles, now that he knew better, would eventually have to do something about it. He just hadn’t decided what he wanted to do.
A small, petty part of Stiles resented Derek for opening his eyes to all of this. While it was making Stiles a better person, it was also rocking his entire world.
He didn’t know how many friends he’d have at the end of it all. Because he couldn’t be in a pack with the twins. Not after they’d forced Derek to kill Boyd. It’d always made him uncomfortable but he’d pushed that discomfort to the back of his head. Mostly choosing to ignore their existence. Trying not to think about how they’d helped kill Boyd. Which was bad enough on its own. Throw in how they’d violated Derek’s body autonomy to do it? Truly monstrous. As far as he knew, they hadn’t apologized to Derek.
Then there was Scott forcing Derek to bite Gerard. Another gross violation of Derek’s body autonomy. So much about that situation was fucked up. Scott himself was being coerced and manipulated by Gerard. It didn’t excuse what he’d done to Derek since he’d had other options. Stiles wasn’t surprised Scott hadn’t thought an apology was necessary. Stiles hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about it. Too caught up in being tortured and the false heartbreak of the Lydia situation.
Then again, he figured getting tortured was a decent reason not to be overly invested in what happened to someone else. Something he’d had no part in.
What shook Stiles about it was that Scott had been so thoughtlessly cruel. It was that thoughtlessness that really got under his skin. It changed his entire opinion about Scott. He didn’t know if he trusted that Scott wouldn’t do something like that to him. If he’d become an unwitting pawn for Scott’s heroics. Maybe his best friend status would prevent that. But the problem was that he didn’t know.
Not when Scott didn’t understand that there was even a problem and Stiles wasn’t sure if he could make him understand.
It’d been a few months since their breakup. Months of quietly studying in Derek’s loft. Eventually they’d started talking again. Stiles let Derek initiate stuff, since he’d been the one to ask for space. And since it was Derek, it wasn’t an avalanche of words.
It had taken him a long time but he was finally learning patience and how to be quiet. It made a difference to him that this was his choice. He’d been defiant in his refusal to ever shut up because people always wanted him to and because fuck them.
He wouldn’t stop being Derek’s friend unless he asked. Didn’t want to give this up. So he’d learned to be sit in silence. Well, okay, to stop talking when it mattered. He didn’t think he’d ever truly be capable of silence. He still tapped his pen. Mumbled to himself. But Derek didn’t ask him to stop, so he figured it was okay.
“Hey, Derek?” this was the first time Stiles was breaking the silence.
Derek hummed and looked up from his book.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think since our breakup. Wanted to make sure I really understood before apologizing. Also to, like, make it clear that it wasn’t some ploy to get you back. Because it isn’t! This isn’t. I’m totally cool being friends. Super happy, in fact. Um… thanks for that. It was more than I deserved and I appreciate it because you’re awesome and I love having you in my life. Shit, okay, I’m babbling. The point was: I’m sorry. Sorry for pressuring you and really sorry for groping you when you told me to stop. I really get why my behaviour was wrong and shitty. If it was my place, I’d also apologize for Scott forcing you to bite Gerard and the twins forcing you to kill Boyd. Oh! That reminds me, I never apologized for using your body to get Danny to help. That was super gross and shitty,” Stiles took a deep breath that only hitched when he saw Derek’s bright, genuine smile.
Not once, in all the time Stiles had known Derek, had he ever seen a smile like that. It was beautiful.
“Thank you, Stiles. I accept your apology. Since we’re doing this, I need to apologize for hitting your head on the steering wheel and the other times I physically intimidated you when we met. You know my reasons, but it doesn’t make what I did okay,” Derek’s smile was smaller now but just as genuine.
Stiles felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. It was such a relief to have this all out and in the open. And, god, this was so much easier than angsting over assumptions or being in denial. Scary but it felt better.
They sat there for a moment, smiling at each other.
It was a turning point for them.
Stiles saw just how much Derek had still been holding back when they dated because he never felt truly safe and comfortable in Stiles’ presence.
Now, though? He had the full-access, backstage pass to Derek Hale and it was amazing.
When they’d been together, Stiles hadn’t been sure if he loved Derek. He’d cared, a lot.
He knew now. Because now he loved Derek. It was hard not to.
Stiles was actually glad they’d broken up. Because without the expectation of sex, he was truly able to enjoy spending time with Derek. He was obviously still attracted. But he didn’t dwell on it.
The not so great part was that he was on the periphery of the pack with Derek. He could say without any hesitation now that Derek was his best friend.
Stiles had asked Derek about what he should do about Scott and the twins. Ultimately, it was Derek they’d hurt. Derek didn’t want to get into it. Partly because he simply expected that kind of treatment. Stiles was well aware that Derek had issues. Another part was that he didn’t think it would do any good because he wouldn’t ever join Scott’s pack. He didn’t think anyone other than Stiles would be willing to put in the necessary effort to really build a relationship. More importantly, he wasn’t willing to put in the effort.
So Stiles let it go. Or, at least, he didn’t confront them about it. He couldn’t forget, though. Wouldn’t forget. So he’d pulled away. Without any discussion about what had happened, Scott was unlikely to change. And he couldn’t trust Scott as much as he had (he’d never trusted the twins).
He had his dad. He had Derek. Hell, he even had Lydia.
Life happened. He and Lydia decided to go to the same school. They were also the only ones not surprised that Derek went with them. Scott and most of his pack stayed in California. They went to New York because, well, Derek still had an apartment there.
Stiles’ dad wanted him to try the dorms for his first year. Stiles didn’t want to. He wasn’t a wolf but he’d been around them long enough that he was totally about pack life. Derek and Lydia were pack. He totally intended to make friends outside of the pack. But he didn’t see the point in paying for a dorm when he could live with Derek for free.
Scott never really understood why Stiles pulled away. He also hadn’t tried that hard to pull him back. It was cool. Stiles had grown and changed as a person and sometimes you grew apart. No one’s fault really.
Being mature was weird. Rewarding, though.
Because eventually Derek asked him out on another date. Stiles had been surprised.
He knew Derek loved him. He knew he loved Derek.
What he hadn’t known was whether or not Derek would ever be willing to take another chance at romance with him.
Stiles had thought that his relationship with Derek had been the stuff of dreams. He’d been wrong. Because this was a dream.
He’d been so plagued by hormones and insecurity that he’d had a hard time just being with Derek. With just being able to find joy in his company.
Derek still turned him on like, whoa, but he just asked if Derek wanted to do anything. He was still insecure but he just talked to Derek about it instead of letting it fester.
He’d always thought that being in a relationship with Derek would be challenging. So much baggage.
Turns out it wasn’t that hard if you just talked. It was so trite to say that communication was key to a healthy relationship. Easy to say but a lot harder to do. It did, however, get easier the more you did it.
It helped that once they got around to it, the sex was scorching hot.
Also, cuddling with Derek was easily the best thing ever.
Life happened.
Growing up wasn’t easy.
But it didn’t suck with a pack you trusted at your side.