“Look, Scott, the whole soul mate thing is total bullshit. Destiny or whatever puts some random mark on you and some other people and, bam, that’s the person you should spend your life with? Hard pass. What about free will, man?” Stiles is ranting and flailing so he doesn’t notice the dude he bumps into.
Not until he feels is soul mark flare and he realizes that, shit, he just found his soul mate during a rant about how soul mates are bullshit. Whatever. Doesn’t matter.
His brain kind of crashes when he sees brown starburst eyes surrounded by green. By what might be the most beautiful face he’s seen in real life. A beautiful smile and a soft-looking beard.
“Hi,” the guy breathes. He’s clearly thrilled to meet his soulmate. Sucks to be him, Stiles guesses.
“Hey, dude. I will have to admit that fate has a sense of humour. We bump into each other while I’m in the middle of a rant about how soulmates are bullshit. So, like, I guess it’s nice to know who you are and whatever, if only because it means I don’t have to have this hanging over my head anymore, but I’m not interested. You’re pretty and all, but I plan on choosing who I love. Cool? Okay, have a nice life, man!” And Stiles just goes, Scott trailing in disbelief.
Derek watches as his soulmate just leaves. Leaves without giving his name. Or any way to contact him again.
For one brief moment, he’d been happier than he’s been in years. Since the death of his family. Happy because he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. Happy because the beautiful man with the whiskey eyes was his soulmate.
This man whose scent had all of Derek’s hopes and dreams contained within it.
After losing his family, he pretty figured that nothing could hurt as bad. That life could only get better since it couldn’t possibly get worse.
Not for the first time, he’d been wrong.
Life could get worse.
Before the fire, he’d have chased after his soulmate. Done his best to change his mind.
These days, it takes most of what he has to live from moment to moment.
For all that he’s a wolf, he has no energy for the chase.
He also realizes that, as of this moment, he’s done.
Just… done.
He’d been trying to hold on and keep going.
He sees no reason not to lose himself to the wolf. He has every intention to go to the Rockies and live amongst the wild wolves.
Stiles is pretty frustrated with Scott by the time he gets home. Because Scott has heard him rant about soulmates before. He shouldn’t be surprised that Stiles would have no desire to get involved with his.
More than that, only his dad would understand better than Scott why he’s so against the idea.
He’d seen how losing his mom destroyed his dad. They’d been soulmates.
Not everyone finds their soulmate. Plenty of people have great relationships outside of that whole mystical destiny bullshit.
But those people, if they split up or lost their partner, weren’t reduced to barely functioning husks that couldn’t take care of their eight-year-old kid.
Not like his dad had been.
Stiles is totally willing to trade an epic love for something less epic and less likely to wreck him if (when) it ends.
He really didn’t anticipate just how… disappointed his dad was when he told him about meeting his soulmate.
According to his dad, the joy he’d had with his mom was worth the pain of her loss.
Well. Good for him.
Stiles had other plans for his life.
What Stiles didn’t expect was the stigma that would follow him.
Apparently, no one had positive feelings for people who rejected their soulmates. It wasn’t like he’d ever had a wealth of choices for dating but word had gotten around and no one in Beacon Hills was willing to date him.
Not a single person.
Whatever.
He didn’t plan on living here forever. He wouldn’t have minded since he wanted to stay close to his dad. But he’d go to college and just live in a city nearby.
He learned not to tell people about his rejection.
He wasn’t a huge fan of lying, but he was a bigger fan of dating and having sex.
Then again, he also had a bad brain-to-mouth filter and the topic of soulmates always came up. Eventually, he’d slip and get dumped.
Stiles was stubborn, though.
He refused to think about starburst eyes and a joy-filled smile.
Years went by and Stiles found himself alone. Not quite able to connect with anyone.
Not even after he got good at hiding his big ‘shameful’ secret. Not even after he realized just how unattractive his view on soulmates made him.
The funny thing was that the people he struck out hardest with were those who’d lost their soulmates. A lot of them totally believed that they could find love again after losing their soulmates. Not everyone was like his dad.
What they all shared, though, was the belief that the time they had with their soulmate was completely worth the heartbreak. So it was abhorrent to them to try and date someone who’d rejected their soulmate just so that he could * choose* who he loved.
It was lonely.
Especially after Scott met his soulmate and moved away. They’d lost touch.
His dad had died.
Stiles had never been great at making friends. He still wasn’t.
Eventually, he just gave up on trying to date.
He couldn’t say he regretted rejecting his soulmate, exactly, because he still believed that he should be able to choose. But he was old and mature enough to recognize that he could’ve chosen to at least try.
Stiles has also grown enough as a person, well okay he’d been told off by enough people, that his big regret is depriving his soulmate of the chance to chose.
He was allowed to chose for himself. But his choice impacted more than one person. By choosing what he did, it meant that his soulmate would be forever without a soulmate.
Stiles remembered that bright, hopeful smile.
He’d made his choices and doesn’t see the point in regret.
He regrets destroying someone else’s hope, though.
It had been a selfish, asshole thing to do.
Derek doesn’t know how long he’s been living amongst the wolves.
He’s still himself. He knows who he is and why he’s here.
Emotions are somewhat easier to handle like this. But it’s more that this is survival in it’s purest form. He simply doesn’t have time to wallow in his heartbreak.
It’s freedom.
It’s what allows him to keep living.
He doesn’t know how long it’s been. Years, definitely.
One day, though, he catches the scent of his mate and he feels his world tilt sideways.
He never thought he’d smell him again.
Doesn’t know what he’s doing out in the mountains.
Stiles has given up. Just decided to live as a hermit in the mountains.
He’s tired of trying to connect with people. Tired of feeling like he’s being punished for a choice he should be allowed to make.
He’s only been a hermit for a few weeks when the wolf shows up.
He’d known that they lived out here in the wilderness but they tended to stay away from people.
The first time he spots the black wolf, he freezes. He isn’t scared. Too tired to really be afraid of things anymore.
He freezes because it’s surprising.
Also because the wolf is beautiful.
And big. He’d always thought of wolves as big dogs. But, no, this beautiful creature is not a big dog.
More surprising is that the wolf comes back every day.
Every day it comes a little closer to his cabin.
Stiles doesn’t get it. He doesn’t do anything to try and encourage the wolf. One thing he knows is that you leave wild animals alone.
Not that the wild animal appears willing to leave him alone.
Eventually, he finds the wolf sitting on his porch. Stiles has no idea what to do. He isn’t going to call animal control since this wolf has never even been the slightest bit aggressive.
He also knows that you don’t domesticate wolves. Especially not adult wolves.
They aren’t pets.
He starts leaving food out for the wolf. Starts talking to it because it’s the only company he has and Stiles isn’t really built for solitude.
He’s lonely and hates it.
The wolf makes him feel a little less alone.
There’s also the extra bonus that the wolf is soft and fluffy. He, and he knows it’s a dude now, allows Stiles to pet him. Which turns into cuddling.
He never invites the wolf in and the wolf never tries to enter the house.
Derek learns a lot about his soulmate. Gets to relish in his company. Gets to learn his touch.
It isn’t all he’d wanted from a mate but it was more than he’d ever expected to have.
He knows he shouldn’t do this. His mate rejected him. But he also doesn’t seem to know that werewolves exist.
His mate wouldn’t give his human-shape a chance but will allow his wolf-shape close. Is willing to cuddle and talk to him.
He yearns for more.
But this is enough. It’s all he’ll get. It’s already more than he deserves.