People always ask if it’s hard dating Derek.
Stiles gets it. He does.
Derek is a broken man. His life too filled with loss and pain for him to be anything else.
Stiles can’t even pretend that the love a good man will heal him.
(He’s the good man, btw.)
He can’t even pretend that time or whatever trite platitude will heal Derek.
Stiles saw how the loss of his pack broke Peter. Knows how the loss of his mom broke him. Knows torture breaks people all the time. Or Kate and what she did.
These things break people. Some can heal. Others don’t. Stiles thinks that maybe Derek could’ve healed from one or two.
Not all of them.
He’s strong. A survivor.
But that’s all. All he can do.
He’s too broken to even want more out of life. Living every day is enough.
It’s in how he recklessly throws himself into battle. Why he never seems to care if he is hurt. Or if he even wins.
Thing is…
People can tell that Derek is broken. Stiles morbidly thinks this is why people keep hurting him.
Derek looks tough. But predators can tell he’s vulnerable.
So people ask Stiles if it’s hard.
He’s not sure what to say.
Because loving Derek is easy. Heck. Even being in a relationship with him is easy.
Derek doesn’t expect anything. Makes no demands.
Worse:
He is always so grateful for any and all the things Stiles gives him.
Most especially for his love.
How couldn’t it be easy?
Derek is broken. He wouldn’t know a healthy relationship if it tore his throat out.
So he’s willing to do anything. Give anything.
Just to keep Stiles.
And that’s what’s hard about loving Derek.
Because Stiles has to be the best person he can be. Can’t be the abrasive asshole he sometimes is. Has to let go of petty feelings. Needs to shed his insecurities and doubts. Finally has to learn patience.
Smooth out all his sharp edges that can hurt Derek.
Because Derek will let Stiles hurt him. Would carve out his own heart if Stiles asked.
He has no defenses when it comes to Stiles.
And now that they’re together, all that tough guy posturing from their early days is gone.
He’s nothing but soft and vulnerable when they’re together. Always so very very careful not to hurt him.
And he hasn’t. Not once. Not even a growl of impatience.
Reality is:
Derek is broken and Stiles has the power to destroy him.
It’s hard to be the caretaker of a heart so fragile that a careless word or action might be what shatters it.
Stiles knows that it’s probably too much. That it isn’t healthy for Derek to put all of that on Stiles.
Except he doesn’t.
That’s the thing.
Stiles doesn’t have to change. Could just stay the same. Doesn’t have to be gentle and soft with Derek.
Derek would take it. Probably would even thinks he deserves it.
Worse: might even think it’s love.
Stiles is the one who’d worked to get past Derek’s armour. Who wormed his way into Derek’s life.
Okay. Sure. No way Stiles could’ve known that Derek was broken.
That he would always be broken.
He’d expected baggage. Expected to have to fight Derek to be open.
Thought he’d been prepared for the worst.
He understood, now, why Derek worked so hard on his armour. Why he kept everyone at a distance.
Because once you were in. You essentially owned him.
In the past, Stiles had been good at dodging responsibility for his actions.
Made a game of ducking consequences with his dad.
Always liked to push and see what he could get away with.
He couldn’t do that with Derek. Refused to do it.
Better: was happy to take responsibility.
Even broken Derek is beautiful. Same haunting beauty possessed by the ruins of lost civilizations.
People ask because Derek looks hard.
(Which is kind of the point.)
Except:
Loving Derek is easy.
Being the sort of person he needs and deserves?
That’s hard.