Changes
Xander knew that something was wrong when he stopped being able to eat Twinkies. In fact, Xander was pretty sure that it was the end of the world. Maybe not the world-world, but certainly his world, when the day came that he couldn’t eat Twinkies anymore. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the taste, he did. It also wasn’t that he was suddenly concerned about his weight and health, he wasn’t. It was that he would eat a Twinkie and then within five minutes it was making its return. He simply, and literally, couldn’t eat them anymore.
The second sign that Xander had that something was wrong was when, instead of Twinkies, he started craving fruits and vegetables. Cravings like he had never really experienced. When he did finally fold and eat some of the terrible greens, they were so good that he had literally eaten every fruit and vegetable in his parent’s fridge. Each bite had been unbelievably delicious, almost overwhelmingly so. Now, Xander was pretty sure that this sudden love of the veggies wasn’t a result of some vitamin deficiency. It wasn’t like he had ever eaten a bunch and this new enjoyment was more than a little suspect.
The next sign that Xander noticed was when he realized that he hadn’t eaten meat in over a week. And when he finally did eat some, it went the way of the Twinkie. Xander, at this point, was fully convinced he had been cursed by someone. Perhaps a vengeance demon like Anya? Or a witch of the seriously evil mojo kind. He had been unwillingly turned into – a vegetarian! It was horrific. It was an existential fate worse than death!
So Xander did what he usually did when he suspected that the Hellmouth was up to no good: he went and saw Giles.
Xander’s mind was still reeling from the realization that he was an involuntary vegetarian when he knocked on Giles’s door. Xander waited patiently. He knew that Giles was still recovering from the major smack down delivered by Willow. Yes, Willow! It was only a week after she, the mousy girl he had grown up with, had tried to end the world. The freaking world! Willow! Xander still had trouble believing that it had happened. Still had trouble believing that he had saved the world all by himself (okay, he supposed that Giles’s borrowed magic had helped).
Giles and Willow were set to leave for the UK in a few days, where Willow would get help from the Coven that had helped Giles. They were mostly waiting for Giles to recover enough so that he could manage a fifteen hour flight without absolute misery.
Xander could hear Giles shuffling around his apartment, slowly making his way to the door. Xander wanted to rush him, but a small part of him recognized that being a vegetarian really wasn’t a good reason for overwhelming an injured old guy. At last the door swung open, revealing Giles in a bathrobe.
“Giles! Finally!” exclaimed Xander. “I need your help. I’ve been cursed or it’s the end of the world.” No one had ever accused Xander of not being a drama queen. So he embraced it.
“Xander,” greeted Giles. “How nice to see you. You say it is the end of the world? Again? So soon after the last? And you said you have been cursed?” Giles made a sweeping motion with his arm as he stepped back, allowing Xander to enter the apartment uninvited (if he could). Xander stepped in and immediately flopped onto a couch.
“Okay, so maybe it isn’t the end of the world. But my world is ending. I can’t eat Twinkies anymore! I eat one and minutes later I’m in Puke City. I also can’t eat meat. Eating the meat is also a one-way ticket to Puke City. All I can eat are vegetables! I’ve been cursed with vegetarianism! Am I suddenly going to start growing my hair out, stop bathing, and have an irresistible urge to hug trees? Is the vegetarianism just a gateway to becoming a hippy? I don’t want to be a hippy! Although, I do suppose I like all the colours they wear…” Xander stopped to think about the endless possibilities of tie-dye t-shirts.
Giles was also thinking about tie-dye and shuddered. This was a serious problem if Xander was correct. Fortunately, Giles didn’t see how he could be. “Xander, relax. I sincerely doubt that someone has cursed you to be a vegetarian. When did you first notice the symptoms?”
“Well, I think maybe the day after Willow tried to destroy the world. I had bought a bunch of tasty and delicious junk food to celebrate our continued existence and couldn’t hold any of it down.”
“Hmm, the day after?” Giles took off his glasses and started wiping them with an ever-present tissue. He looked up from his self-imposed chore. “Unfortunately, I think you may be partially correct. Following your explanation, something definitely transpired that day, obviously some kind of magical phenomena.” His glasses cleaned, Giles put them back on, sending a rather frightening, curious look Xander’s way. “Could you perchance tell me what exactly happened when you stopped Willow? Unfortunately, she won’t talk about it, I know what she hoped to accomplish and that you stopped her, but no details. This is the first time I’ve seen you since that day.”
“Well,” Xander began. “Willow was doing something with that really, really ugly statue. Shooting magic or whatever at it. I stepped in front of the statue and talked with her. She blasted me once or twice with some kind of energy and then she started doing the thing with the statue of supreme ugliness again. I stepped in front of it once more and finally talked her down.”
“When you stepped in front of the stream of magic Willow was feeding into the statue, did it hurt?” Giles started to get an inkling as to the cause of Xander’s most curious affliction.
Xander thought about it, remembering the moment. “No, it didn’t hurt,” he finally decided. “Only the magic she used to get me out of the way hurt.” He frowned. “Actually the other stuff felt kinda good. Don’t ask how, ‘cause I was really distracted by Willow trying to end the world.”
“I see,” said Giles. “That is probably it then. You don’t happen to know what Willow was trying to accomplish, do you?” Xander shook his head, so Giles continued, “she was draining the Earth’s life force and feeding it into the statue, which then would have scorched the entire world. The magic that you stepped in front of was the pure magical essence of the Earth, which would explain in part why you can only eat vegetables and can’t abide the synthetic nature of Twinkies.”
One of the things Xander loved most about Giles, was that he always seemed to have the answers (okay, little Xander, now is not the time to think too much about the other things that he loved about Giles). Anyway, in this case Xander loved that Giles always seemed to have the answers.
“When will I get better?” Xander asked, the hope of one day being able to eat Twinkies again shining in his eyes.
“That I can’t tell you. I could well imagine that you are the only human being that has been hit by the pure essence of the Earth. It may be that these are only the first changes. They could also be the last. They could be temporary or they could be permanent.”
What had Xander been thinking? Giles didn’t know anything! The jerk.
“What am I supposed to do? Am I going to die?”
“Well, I can’t imagine that the life force of the Earth will be harmful to you…”
Xander exploded: “I can’t eat Twinkies! How is that not harmful?!”
Giles sighed. “I realize that being unable to eat junk food may count as a bad thing to you.Ultimately however it will only benefit your body and overall health. As I was saying, it is unlikely that anything truly horrible will occur. Nonetheless, it may be wise for you to join Willow and I on our visit to the Coven. They will be able to help you far more than I. They might even know a cure for your affliction.”
Journey
Xander was anxious about the following day and was having a hard time getting to sleep. Willow was going to be taken for magical recovery to a British coven and Xander would accompany her, hopefully to reverse what was happening to him. Since his ill-fated road trip ended a few hours away from Sunnydale, it would also be his first trip outside California.
Willow was in full guilt mode, which Xander normally would enjoy, except that he wasn’t doing so great with eating cookies these days. He could only keep them down about half the time, not to mention that worrying about puking sucked the joy out of eating them. This, of course, had started an even more vicious spiral of guilt on Willow’s part: she knew how much Xander liked his sweets.
This was all fine and to be expected. Nothing really unusual, except for the fact that Xander was sure that his hair had turned green. It wasn’t easy to tell because it was basically the same colour, it just seemed different when the sun hit his hair. Instead of looking like a light shade of brown with somewhat reddish highlights, the highlights appeared green. Of course, Xander loathed the fact that he even knew what highlights were (or noticed the change).
He needed to find some guy friends.
Okay, now he was getting distracted. Which wasn’t necessarily a problem, except for the fact that his hair was now green. Well, sort of dark brown with green highlights. Wait, getting distracted again. He also refused to acknowledge the fact that if he was really honest with himself, he would say that the green highlights were actually an improvement. They weren’t super noticeable, but did seem to lighten his face somewhat. They also seemed to divert attention from his ears, which he had never liked because they stuck out too far, and made kids call him ‘Dumbo.’ At least until it became seriously uncool for other people to know that you still watched Disney movies.
Hey! The green hair had distracted him again. What was he thinking about again? Oh, right. Green hair. And how it was bad and not good (no matter how nice it looked, especially in the sun). It was bad because it was yet another inexplicable change. A change that was a direct result of Willow trying to end the world. Willow! Xander still couldn’t quite grasp that his oldest and bestest friend had tried to end the world. Even more shocking, not that she had wanted to, but that she had been capable. Xander had thought, during some of his more bitter days in high school, about ending the world. But that had never meant that he actually could have ended the world. He simply didn’t have the power to make something like that happen.
More than anything, the green hair filled Xander with a deep foreboding. He knew, just knew, that his life was about to change. In much the same way that it had when he had overheard Buffy and Giles talking about vampires, so very long ago.
Xander closed his eyes and slowly drifted to sleep, hoping that his hair would be normal when he woke up.
Xander woke up screaming. His neighbours were banging on the walls and his heart was racing. Images of Buffy being shot and Willow’s black eyes flashed through his mind. His bed was soaked with sweat and his heart still raced madly.
Xander never talked about the nightmares with anybody, not even Anya. He never had nightmares with her around, it was one of main reasons he had stayed with her for so long. It also made him feel guilty, which is why when he saw their possible future he had bowed out. She deserved more than to be used as a dream catcher. More importantly, Xander saw that possible future as a warning as to what would happen if he stayed in the closet and kept repressing. Most importantly, if he had married Anya he would have not only been denying her the chance to find true love, but he’d lose the chance as well.
His heart was starting to get back to its normal rhythm. Except that he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any more tonight. The adrenaline alone would prevent any real rest, even if he wasn’t afraid that the nightmares would return. Although, when he thought about it, this past year had been worse than any nightmare he had ever had. He had thought life would get better after high school, but this year showed him that that wasn’t the case.
How had things gone so wrong? From raising Buffy to Tara’s eventual death, the entire year had been a shit show. Not for the first time this year, Xander thought about giving up. Just stopping. He’d always assuaged himself by saying that even though he wasn’t the best in a fight, he was a good friend. This year, not so much. His life was a mess and his friends were all but broken.
Xander got out of bed and did what he always did when the nightmares came: he carved stakes until the morning light came.
Xander was sitting patiently, waiting for their plane to board. He was being quiet for once because Willow was really, really subdued. After she had realized that she couldn’t fix Xander and, indeed, had caused his current problem she had sunk into a deep depression. She was non-responsive to anything except sharp commands. It was like talking to a zombie. Xander thought he understood, since she had lost Tara too. Well, okay, he didn’t understand. But he could be quiet and patient.
“Xander! For heaven’s sake, do stop fidgeting,” Giles admonished. “Here is some change, go play in the arcade.” Giles tossed a handful of change at him. Hmm, perhaps he wasn’t waiting as patiently as Xander thought? But really, what did they expect? He was excited about going on an airplane for the first time.
Xander wandered off with as much dignity as he could muster (which considering that his hair was green and he couldn’t eat Twinkies, wasn’t a whole lot). Nonetheless, he hoped Giles felt bad for treating him like a five year old.
A few hours later and they were finally on their way to their destination. Or at least on their way to their first stop on their way to their destination. Xander understood that flying to England from L.A. probably meant layovers. Except he didn’t expect a layover in Denver, Chicago, and New York before finally heading off to London. Xander was pretty sure that Giles was being super stingy watcher guy (but he couldn’t prove it since he was too lazy to look into international airfares himself). Xander was also fairly certain that getting to London should take something less than twenty-four hours of travel.
In any case, Xander was avidly looking out the window as everything got smaller during take-off. He had found the initial acceleration exciting but the lift-off a little heart pounding. All-in-all, a fun experience. Although, it got pretty boring once they passed the clouds, since there wasn’t really anything to see. This first leg of their journey, from L.A. to Denver was about two and a half hours long. Which only warranted a beverage and no food. This wasn’t a problem since they had a three hour layover in Denver.
The amount of travel time worried Xander because the longer they were in the air, the bigger a sense of wrongness pervaded his psyche. He had been excited with the initial take-off and had enjoyed the novelty for about ten minutes before some indescribable, unsettling emotion had hit him. He didn’t know why everything felt so… so… Xander shrugged. So he wasn’t the most articulate person. Nevertheless, something was definitely off.
That sense of wrongness lasted until they finally touched down in Denver. As soon as the plane touched the ground the feeling was replaced by a feeling of rightness. Except the rightness didn’t feel complete, it felt as if something was still missing…
Xander had no more time to think, as it was time to eat! Unfortunately, Xander was forced to eat a salad even though he longed for the hearty taste of meat and Twinkies. Xander has also tried to be super adult and not whine, but he could tell by the tightening around Giles’s eyes that he had failed miserably on that score. (Then again, Xander was no stranger to failure and thus didn’t care too much.)
And while Xander was occasionally dense (read: extra dense), even he could catch on once in a while. He noticed that not too long after take-off the sense of wrongness returned. It was uncomfortable but not painful, so he kept quiet. During this stretch, Willow actually perked up enough to realize that Xander was on the plane with her. Unfortunately she only seemed to have enough energy to feel momentarily confused before once again disengaging from the world.
“Giles, I think I’m noticing something else,” Xander said. “I feel off and I’m starting to get the wiggins. Every time we lift off, I start feeling really bad. Then when we land, the goodness returns. I just though you should know.” Xander offered a sheepish smile, since Giles had looked annoyed when he began talking.
“Xander, you should have mentioned this sooner.” Giles furrowed his brows in deep thought. “I’m not sure it means anything, however. You have never flown before, correct?” Giles paused and continued after Xander nodded. “Thus we have no way of knowing if you’d have felt this way a year ago or if it is because of the incident. In any case, is there anything else you’ve failed to mention?”
“Um…” Xander scratched his head. “My hair might have also turned green.”
Giles peered carefully at Xander’s hair, but didn’t notice anything significantly different. Xander turned his head towards the window where it caught a little more natural light. Giles suddenly realized that there was a greenish tint to Xander’s hair.
“Hmm, how very curious. Your hair really is green,” Giles observed. “I’m not sure what to think of it. This does seem to confirm that taking you to see the Coven was the best course of action. Your situation is quite unique and very much tied to magic. They truly are a group of experienced and learned practitioners of magic. They’ll certainly know how to best aid you and possibly discover what is going on.” Giles placed a hand on Xander’s shoulder, having suddenly realized that Xander’s fidgeting and anxiety probably originated from fear. Xander’s body was going through inexplicable changes and he had no one, really, with whom he could speak.
The sense of wrongness and rightness continued until their final destination. By the time the plane left New York, Xander had a giant headache and did not feel good at all. He was trying to sleep, but the sense of wrongness prevented any serious rest. Nonetheless, he was forced to do something so horrible that he vowed no one must ever find out: he meditated on the plane while pretending to sleep. He knew that Giles never thought he paid attention when Buffy was being trained, but he was wrong.
Xander spent at least an hour concentrating on Twinkies (pretty much the only thing able to hold his attention for a whole hour). He was focused on visualizing the snack, remembering the taste and how it felt in his mouth. The only problem with this was that he emerged from his trance with a craving for Twinkies so bad that it almost hurt. Xander was sure that he felt a small piece of his heart die when he realized that he may never get to eat another Twinkie.
Arrival
The long hop over the pond had considerably strained Xander’s sense of comfort. The unsettled feeling of wrongness had eventually reached a plateau, but the feeling had meant that he was unable to sleep on the flight. All in all, it ended up being a stressful experience that Xander wasn’t looking forward to repeating.
Fortunately, they’d landed and disembarked. Again, as soon as Xander’s feet had hit the ground a sense of rightness returned to him. This time because the last leg of their trip had been so long, the relief was almost pure bliss, if it weren’t for that niggling remainder of wrongness. Xander wondered where this lack of ease came from. He also worried about what it meant.
Getting off of the plane was a turn for the better. Unfortunately, his good fortune did not last long as Xander encountered some inexplicable problem with customs. He strode up to the counter with Giles and Willow but was, unlike them, taken aside.
“So, Mr. Harris, may I ask what brings you to the United Kingdom?” Xander still loved that stern British accent.Of course, he realized that he probably shouldn’t tease the customs guy the way he would Giles. He really wanted to see the Coven. Except that he was pretty sure that they wouldn’t appreciate him saying: ‘I’m in England to visit a coven of Witches to address the issues I’m dealing with after my friend, Willow, tried to end the world but in the process doused me with a butt load of magic.’ He also didn’t think that saying, ‘I must be able to eat Twinkies! And your witches can help!" would be very productive.
“Um, I’m here to see the sights?” Xander stated with less than perfect confidence.
“And what might these sights be?”
“Oh, you know that big clock thingy, maybe that place where that Queen lady is. You know, the sighty sights.” Xander desperately wished that he had spent even five minutes trying to learn something about England from Giles.
“Big clock thingy?” The customs officer repeated. “I imagine you are talking about Big Ben.” The officer made a note on a form. “Would you mind telling us what you are really planning on doing here?”
Xander started sweating slightly, trying to think of something to say to this guy to let him into the country. “Yeah, that’s the place, the Big Benny. I’m also interested in acquiring an all tweed wardrobe. I’ve noticed that when tweed is the colours I like, everyone is okay. Put on an Hawaiian or polyester shirt with the same colours and suddenly everyone thinks you are a colour blind fashion victim.”
The guy’s eyes narrowed. Xander suddenly remembered that he wasn’t supposed to start joking. Teasing officials was of the bad. Damn!
“I suppose that would explain the shirt. Are you certain you aren’t bringing in large quantities of illegal drugs?” The guy put on his extra stern face as he asked that last question.
“What? No!” Xander exclaimed. “I’ve never messed with the drugs. I don’t even know where to get them. I don’t even know people who know people who know where to get them.”
“So you won’t mind if we search your bag and your person?”
“Ugh, I guess not,” Xander said with no small amount of trepidation.
What followed next is a story that Xander would take to his grave. From the strip search to the cavity exam, not a single word of this tale would ever, ever pass from his lips.
Two hours later, when they finally, finally let him go, Giles greeted him with a small smile, triumphantly knowing that perhaps this would finally get Xander to change his dressing habits. With his head held high, Xander walked awkwardly to the nearest exit, not deigning Giles’s expression with a response.
When they finally stepped out of the airport the sun was shining and Xander felt instantly energized. He had been feeling quite tired from the lack of sleep, yet most of his vigor returned to him the instant the sun hit his skin. It was quite possibly one of the more glorious moments of his life. He felt as if every cell of his body was singing. The longer he was out, the less fatigue he felt from all of the traveling.
He started bouncing in place a bit while they waited for a cab.
“Excited to be here?” Giles asked, his voice laced with weary amusement.
“Yes,” Xander nodded. “I really want to know what is happening with me. Also, isn’t this sunshine glorious?” He smiled widely. “I thought England was supposed to be all fog and rain? For that matter, I notice that not everyone is wearing tweed. Isn’t this the land of the tweed? I also can’t see anyone drinking tea.”
“Xander, not every day in England is cloudy and rainy. Only most of them. More to the point, not everyone here wears tweed. Tweed simply happens to be a fabric I particularly enjoy. In fact, many people enjoy it as well. And why would anyone be drinking tea whilst queuing for a taxi?” Xander knew he had hit the right tone with Giles, because for all that Giles had exasperation written all over his face, the corners of his lips were crinkled and his eyes smiling.
“If you say so, G-unit.”
“G-unit?” Giles uttered in horror. “I believe that is possibly a worse nickname than ‘G-man’. Please refrain from calling me that again, lest I’m forced to do something to you that may have dire consequences for your continued existence.”
Xander’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, big talk from a guy in tweed wearing glasses.”
“Just remember, you are in my ‘hood’ now. And you’d better watch out, I’ll have you drinking tea in tweed before you even realize what’s going on.”
Xander dropped his jaw. Did Giles really just deliver a vaguely hip hop related threat with a straight face? Clearly, Xander was not giving the man his proper due.
He laughed and shook his head, “I suppose you are right. Wearing tweed and drinking tea really is a fate worse than death. Possible even a fate worse than having green hair and not being able to eat Twinkies. I will not be assimilated!”
Giles raised a brow. “Resistance is futile, dear boy.”
Xander’s laugh turned into a guffaw. He also pumped his fist triumphantly, “You not only totally made a pop culture reference, but a Star Trek joke! I think you may have been assimilated.”
“Step lively, our taxi is here.” Soon their attention turned to the serious business of getting on the road.
Xander found driving on the wrong side of the road a little disorienting but occupied himself with avidly staring out of the window. He was equally happy to reach the train station, because he had never been on a train before.
Willow seemed to come around sometime during the drive. They had babbled excitedly for a while, before she went sort of vague again. This kind of behaviour troubled Xander deeply.
“Giles, do you think Willow is going to be okay? I mean, I realize that she’s been through a lot this year but how she’s now acting is starting to give me the wiggins.”
“Well, Xander, I suppose we shall find out,” Giles said. “I imagine that she would have been able to deal with Tara’s passing and everything else eventually if it weren’t for her misuse of magic.” He wiped his forehead with a handkerchief. “You have to understand that, for a few moments, she obtained the perspective of a god. She felt everything and was connected to every being on the planet. Unfortunately, because of her state of mind, all she noticed was the pain, fear and sorrow present in every being. She didn’t pay attention to pleasure, love or joy.
“In some ways, everything must feel so narrow and limited to her right now. Something similar to losing a sense, I imagine. Add this to the sorrow of Tara’s death and the guilt of what she almost did… She must be quite overcome. Devonshire is a wonderful place to recuperate. For all of us.” Giles’s eyes were sad. Xander thought that the grief and the misery were probably reflected in his own eyes as well. The year had simply been awful.
“Well, I hope she gets the chance to heal.” Xander turned to Willow and hugged her tightly. “I love you. I forgive you.” Turns out that she wasn’t as distanced as they thought her to be, because she began to silently weep, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
Giles, of course, had the normal male reaction to female tears compounded by his Britishness: he became flustered.
Xander stopped hugging Willow for a moment and in an act of daring, also hugged Giles tightly. Giles became more uncomfortable for a moment, but then relaxed into Xander’s arms, squeezing him tightly. For the first time since he got to know the man, Xander became aware of the strength in Giles’s arms (and promptly pushed that thought away).
Distantly, Xander was aware of a whistle blowing. The moment stretched and finally broke when Giles pulled away to gather their luggage.
Investigations and Revelations
Xander thought that Devonshire, where the coven resided, was a rather nice place. It was just as bucolic as he’d ever imagined. Gentle, green hills. Sheep. Okay, so the Coven didn’t actually keep any sheep, but it seemed to Xander that they should. Nonetheless, this pastoral scene of beauty and tranquility was entirely ruined when the Coven began examining Xander.
First, they were far worse than the doctor, who made you put on that stupid gown. For the coven, it had to be full nudity, since they didn’t want any man-made objects ‘blocking’ their view. Now, Xander wasn’t entirely sure that the view they meant was of his dangly bits. He noticed that this Coven ran true to the stereotype and was filled with somewhat well-aged women, to put it delicately. Suddenly a young man comes for aid and he must be nude? They were a bunch of tree-hugging cougars!
Of course, the examinations also involved a large amount of stinky plants and chanting. Xander mostly just had to sit around. Although, the Q&A session had been super amusing…
“Can you describe the colour of the magic that hit you?”
“Um, green? Black? Wait, which time were you talking about? Oh, are we talking about the magic that Willow hit me with or all the magic I’ve been hit with?”
“Willow.”
“Oh. But which time with Willow?”
“The last time.”
“Do you mean the last time she hit me with magic or the last time I had an incident with her and magic?”
“Both.”
“Oh. Then I’m pretty sure that it was this black, crackly stuff. Sort of like Emperor Palpatine’s finger lightening.”
“Is this Emperor Palpadine another black witch who attempted to end the world?”
See? It had gone on like that for hours, until both parties had to take a break due to their excessive headaches. Xander knew that, in theory, he and the Coven spoke the same language. However, they seemed to be speaking the same language across parallel universes.
In any case, after a week of Xander pretty much sitting around naked and getting occasionally doused with stinky plants (or being forced to drink stinky plant mixtures), he was waiting for the results.
He was doing his best to be patient, which meant that he was exploring the area in a major effort not to annoy the living snot out of the coven. Mostly because he really wanted them to help him. He was currently poking around a small copse of trees, when Xander suddenly felt that this was all too British. He missed home. While the weather was better than he had expected (colder too), he wanted the Californian sun.
He also noticed that he hadn’t stopped changing. His skin was becoming rougher and he felt completely burnt out of emotion. Between Buffy getting shot, Tara dying, Willow following Anakin Skywalker’s footsteps and now his own changes, he was done freaking out about stuff. He needed to remember that this was the life he had chosen. He decided to get involved in the supernatural world and if, so far, the only real consequences for him were green hair, rough skin, and not being able to eat Twinkies, then he was doing pretty good for himself. (Especially since he had been secretly hoping that he’d die not too long after Jessie.)
Buffy had died, been shot at, and experienced any number of traumatic events and she was (mostly) okay. Or, at least, she was getting better. It was time Xander stopped being such a kid and grew the fuck up.
He looked down at his slightly sagging middle, a paunch that had appeared druing his post-wedding drinking binge. Most people had reasons for being this pathetic. Just because his father had… No, Xander shook those thoughts out of his head. The point was that Xander could do better. This did not have to be his life. At the very, very least, it was about time that he learned how to fight properly so that he wasn’t endangering his friends. Yes, he helped but, Xander suddenly wondered, did he help Buffy more than he hindered her?
Perhaps Xander should finally listen to Buffy and stop helping with the slaying. Hmm, no, Xander still didn’t think he could live a ’normal’ life knowing about vampires and never doing anything about it. Xander suddenly had a thought and it was a strange thought because it was so inspired.
I can become a paramedic!
This could help and it was something he was pretty sure he could handle, since it was about practical knowledge and not so much with the abstract book knowledge that he didn’t handle so well. It would also give him a decent job that he wouldn’t be embarrassed about. Even better, it didn’t require that much school. It was something that a regular human could do that would benefit the group… Xander supposed that he could try to get better at research but books really weren’t his thing.
Xander became so occupied by figuring out the details of becoming a paramedic that he didn’t even notice the four days that went by as he waited for the Coven’s results. This meant that he was also blessedly not underfoot as they attempted to help both him and Willow. Giles apparently took advantage of the peace and quiet to catch up on some leisure reading.
“Mr. Harris, after much consideration, we believe we figured your situation out. If you would please follow me, we shall discuss the results of your tests.” She smiled widely, so Xander was pretty sure it would be that bad.
“Okay, but I can keep my clothes on this time, right?” Xander asked hopefully, but noticed that the elderly witch only blushed.
“Um, Mr. Harris,” she began, “I feel compelled to mention, so that your opinion of witches isn’t forever coloured by your experience here that it wasn’t necessary for you to be nude every time we examined you. It is just that for some of the more salacious ladies, it has been quite some time since a young man as becoming as you have been in their midst. They might have taken advantage, just a wee bit. I did most of the touching because I actually prefer woman, so that the touches remained chaste.” She coughed slightly at the end of her speech, betraying just how embarrassed she was, her hand wringing the side of her skirt.
Xander really didn’t know how to respond to being told that his nudity had been mostly for the titillation of old lady witches (but he did feel vindicated in thinking they were tree-hugging cougars, which he had felt bad about since they were trying to help). He was a little flattered but sort of weirded out. He decided that the best course of action was not to think about it.
“I suppose I can’t blame them,” he replied. “Let them know it is okay. But also tell them the last time that this many woman say me naked for fun, I got tipped. I figure, since you guys are helping me out, we’ll call it even.” Xander smiled to show that all was forgiven. She smiled back.
They walked into what Xander considered the “Room of Icky Coven Examinations.” As he entered he noticed there was only one person waiting.
“Ah, Mr. Harris…”
“Please, ladies, call me Xander,” Xander smiled widely and spread his hands, to encourage them to drop their British formality.
The lady that had been waiting for him inclined her head. “Xander it is, then.” Her face adopted a more solemn expression. “We regret to inform you that we, the Coven of Devonshire, are unable to reverse your transformation. Your condition, as far as we were able to determine, is and will be a permanent change. However, we can tell you with absolute surety that your… evolution… is not fatal.”
Xander rubbed the back of his head, absorbing what he’d heard. “Ugh, okay. So do you know what is happening to me?”
“Oh!” The woman looked quite surprised. “We didn’t say?” She turned to the other witches. “Didn’t I say it?” They all shook their heads. “My apologies, Xander, I thought I already told you. Er, well, I’m not quite sure how to say this…” she trailed off. Xander nodded, encouraging her to expand. She sighed. “Basically, you are turning into a plant.”
Xander’s mouth opened to form a little ‘O’ and his eyes widened. A plant? What does that even mean?
“A plant? What does that even mean?”
The lady frowned pensively. “When Willow hit you, she used the pure magical essence of the Earth and forced you to fundamentally become closer to it.” The witches in the room shared a glance. “As beings born on this world, we are all children of the Earth, sharing a common ancestor, the Earth, if you will.” She took a breath of air. Her voice took on a sad undertone. “Unfortunately, the way that humans have evolved, although natural, has created a situation where people attempt to mould and shape the Earth to their needs rather than adapting to new changes. We have cut ourselves off from the natural flow of the planet. This doesn’t mean that we are now unnatural, it does however mean that the Earth’s voice and spirit is only heard distantly now by most humans.”
“You, on the other hand, no longer have the choice of separation.” Her eyes locked onto Xander’s, a slightly wistful look sent his way. “Indeed, the feeling of ‘wrongness’ you felt on the plane and still feel to a lesser extent is because you feel cut off.”
The thought had crossed his mind, once. Hearing it aloud, from a wiser and more knowledgeable person however…
“Take off your shoes,” she suggested.
Xander followed her instructions and noticed the difference immediately, in a positive way of course.
“Now, step outside for a moment.” Xander looked at her in confusion. He’d already been outside before and felt nothing special then. “On the grass,” she explained.
Stepping on the grass, with his bare feet… It felt like coming home. Except that he had only ever felt this way when he was at Jesse’s, whose mother had always treated Xander in a way that made him feel the way he did now: safe, comfortable, at ease. He closed his eyes and felt a single tear slide down his cheeks. God, he really missed Jesse.
He was jolted back to the world when the witch began to speak again.
“We actually won’t know the true extent of your changes until they are complete. Have you noticed anything else recently?” she asked.
Realization struck him then. A plant? I’m a plant?! When that fact sunk to the bottom of his mind, questions started to assault him. Does this mean I’m not human anymore? Is that a bad thing? Is this like being a vampire? Am I going to be evil? That last question almost started a panic attack. Then he remembered what he’d concluded a long time ago: evil requires a lot of work and if he was anything, it was a slacker. I guess I’ll have to think things through later on.
Giles and Willow were waiting for him outside the Room of Icky Coven Examinations.
Willow had been doing much, much better since their arrival in Devonshire. Apparently, being away from the influence of the Hellmouth, combined with lots of meditation, is a really good thing when you’re a witch. Aside the change in environment and pace, it also seemed that Willow finally getting a chance to properly learn about magic was also a good thing. It appealed to her academic side and, as it turns out, teaching yourself magic isn’t really the best and proper way of learning the mojo.
“Xander?” Willow’s voice was small after she saw the look on Xander’s face.
“Well, it seems that I’m no longer human or, at least, I won’t be human anymore soon enough. I’m turning in a plant.” Xander shrugged at this. “And there seems to be nothing to do about it according to the Coven.”
“Oh! That isn’t so bad, is it?” Willow commented, frowning. “And it explains so many things!” Xander recognized the stream of consciousness heading his way, welcoming the slight enthusiasm appearing in his friend. “Your hair probably turned green because you’ll start using sunshine to produce energy like the leaves of a tree… Oh, and your inability to eat meat… Your cells must be changing from being made from protein to being made from cellulose. You do know what that means? You’re going to have to eat lots and lots of vegetables so you won’t get sick. Even Brussels sprouts! Although, perhaps, after your change is complete you can start eating meat and junk food again, but probably not the same amounts as before.” Willow stopped babbling when she saw the look on Xander’s face.
There is a fundamental difference between welcoming a babble and liking what you’re hearing. Especially when you’re trying to not think about half of the things being mentioned.
“Xander, I’m so sorry,” Willow said, then added softly, almost meekly. “I’m just glad that you aren’t dying.”
Xander smiled wryly and exchanged a weary look with Giles over Willow’s head. Giles inclined his head slightly, though Xander saw that even the former Watcher felt out of his element.
Xander turned and walked off, heading for the outside once more. He contemplated Giles’s expression, Willow’s remorse and his own confusion. Then he shrugged to himself. Perhaps he was, at this moment, Robinson Crusoe. That was all right with him. Because if he was, then Giles and Willow were too and he wasn’t the only one feeling alone.
A tremor in the Force
They told him to meditate; supposedly, it would help him find a new ’equilibrium’. Xander rather doubted their ways, but who was he to deny a council of scary old witches? Nobody really. So he sat outside, in the grass, meditating. It was a rather nice, relaxing activity, this meditating business. A bit boring, but relaxing.
Initially he was seated according to the activity’s familiar position: cross-legged with his feet placed on his opposing thighs, his hands spread out towards the world. It was an okay position, Xander supposed. Comfortable enough. After that, he’d had several minutes where he wasn’t quite sure what the next step was. Eventually, he decided to adapt a simple mantra whilst staring at the grass: ‘I am a plant. You are a plant. We are plants.’ When he was convinced that the grass knew what it was in relationship to himself, Xander inserted a bit of creative leafwashing: ‘I am a plant. You are a plant. We are plants. United we blossom, divided we fall.’
Over and over he’d repeat his mantra, sometimes repeating parts of it, sometimes silently chanting every word, one after the other. He didn’t know whether any of it worked. Still, the effort might be wasted, at least he had the sun and nature to enlighten his spirits.
Then it happened: a tremor, a sign. His fingers had wandered over to the grass, his skin connecting with the surrounding flora. His mind had drifted, the mantra’s exact words long forgotten. And he’d felt it, the Earth. From the microcosm beneath the tips of his fingers, to the caterpillar wobbling its way across a branch in that old oak tree. From there, Xander’s mind expanded even vaster, tracking dandelion seeds in the wind currents. Xander basked in the experience, wondering whether this was how Jedi experienced the Force. Of course, thinking about Jedi brought forth memories of the Dark Side. Palpatine’s cleverness, Anakin’s fall, Willow’s transgression. Images flitted through his mind, inspired by his abrupt change in perception. Asphalt running through fields of wheat, factories dumping their toxic waste in water streams, houses built where once upon a time forests rejoiced. Still, these phenomenas weren’t the real issue; they were but an irritation, a rash that would, in time, fade away.
The real problem, Xander realized, was far more severe. He didn’t know, fortunately, how gangrene felt like, but what he sensed came awfully close to what he suspected gangrene to feel like. Something was interrupting the natural order of the world, turning it inside out, decaying it ever so slightly.
Xander jolted to his feet and suddenly careened about in the garden as he became overwhelmed by the feeling. He’d delved too deep: for a moment, he had been the anomaly and he was inside out.
As Xander hit another ray of sunlight he immediately began to calm down, since this always gave him a slight buzz. Xander spent a moment doing nothing but breathing and feeling the sun, except that now he felt a pull towards the source of the abnormality.
He looked at the door. I need to discuss this with Giles, he thought. That felt too familiar, almost like… a Hellmouth. With that rather depressing realization, he started looking for the older man.
“Giles!” Xander called out as soon as he saw the man. “I was doing the hippie-esque meditation exercises and felt a disturbance in the force.” He paused for dramatic purposes, then added: “I think there’s something rotten in Tweedland.” Giles, unfortunately, wasn’t alone. There were three Coven members with him, staring eerily at Xander. Xander decided that it was because he was so overwhelmingly handsome and had a much cooler accent.
“Pray tell me, Xander, what ‘disturbance’ is it you are speaking of?” Giles said dryly.
“I can’t believe you! Here I come with important Hellmouthy info and here you are being all sarcastic. This is serious! There’s a disturbance in the Force!”
Giles arched a brow. “I already gathered that from what you communicated. Can you tell me what the precise nature of this disturbance is?”
“Well, it sort of feels like there is a cut or a gash in the world, from which good earthy stuff leaves and bad non-earthy stuff comes in.” Xander shrugged, so he wasn’t super articulate guy.
Giles began to rub his temples. “Do you perhaps think that your Hellmouthy situation might actually be the Hellmouth itself?”
“Oh!” Xander expressed. “I never thought about that.” He thought about the possibility. “Isn’t California a long way away to be feeling? I think it was much closer. And even if it was the Hellmouth, wouldn’t the sensation of things going in and out mean that it’s been opened? Which would be a very, very bad thing, wouldn’t it?”
Giles’s eyes widened. “Not only was that the most singularly logical thing I’ve ever heard you say, but I do believe we may have to do some research.” Xander could already see the ‘battle plan’ forming in Giles’s expression. “Naturally, we will have to pinpoint the location of this disturbance first, and then decide what to do, if an intervention is required.” Giles immediately went in the direction of the Coven’s library, Xander trailing behind him. Once they got there, Giles pulled out an atlas of the world and grabbed a globe. One of the library tables served as their improvised ‘research center’.
When they were seated at opposite ends of the table, Giles spoke up with instructions for Xander to follow: “Xander, what I want you to do is very simple. I want you to retrace the steps you went through earlier, with closed eyes, while spinning this globe. When you think you feel this disturbance again, stop the globe from spinning.”
It took several tries until he had it right, his hand hovering over the globe as it spun, waiting for that moment where he was back in touch with that abnormal presence. The first time, he knocked the globe off the table. The second time, the palm of his hand covered half of Africa and the whole of Europe, which didn’t exactly narrow things down. As they say, third time’s the charm: his finger struck Great Britain with great certainty.
Giles inclined his head in acknowledgment and started looking for an enlarged map of the United Kingdom in the atlas. “The next step is slightly different. Instead of spinning a globe and halting its motion, keep your hand slightly above the page and let it roam over the map. When you have found the disturbance again, put your index finger down and keep your eyes shut until I tell you to open them.”
“Okay,” Xander said. “I never thought it’d be this simple though.”
Giles sent a soft smile his way. “I could have followed the usual rituals. Considering your anxiety concerning this subject and by extension my own peace of mind, I decided not to waste time with frivolous preparations.”
With these words in mind, Xander commenced the second part of Find the Hellmouthy Place. He closed his eyes and thought of dandelion seeds, wind, asphalt and dirty creeks until he was, yet again, confronted with the world’s gaping wound.
Acting as if they’d declared independence, his fingers twitched and fell on the atlas’s glossy paper.
Xander felt Giles move behind him, his tweedy odor filling Xander’s lungs.
“You can open your eyes now,” Giles said.
“Where did my finger point?”
“Cardiff.”
“Cardiff?” Xander opened his eyes and leaned forward, wanting to see where the town was. “Sounds Scottish.”
Giles’s exasperation was clear when he spoke. “Cardiff’s in Wales, not Scotland.”
“While I am glad that it is not a Hellmouth, it is also not a good thing that it is in Cardiff. The Council is not allowed to operate there. The Council had very little information about the supernatural activity in Wales. Generally the government gives them considerable latitude to operate, Wales and Cardiff especially, have always been off limits. Of course, this is mostly second hand info at this point, since I no longer work for the Council.” Giles smiled grimly.
“Well, I think we should find out what is going on there,” said Xander. “It isn’t natural, Giles. I can feel the pain that it causes the Earth.” He scratched at the back of his head. “I’m not affiliated with the Council, so… I think I should go and check it out.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Giles shook his head, silencing Xander’s protest. “You’lll be by yourself with Buffy far away and Willow unable to aid you. While I no longer work for the Council, someone in the UK government is probably aware of you.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “Um, not so worried about that. I’m a plant, Giles: I’m no longer human. I’m not sure what the worst case scenario exactly is for me. If anything, my bark-like skin makes me tougher than before. The goal is observation right now. I won’t do anything without talking to you first, I promise.” Xander turned on his infamous puppy eyes. He might be turning into a plant, that didn’t mean he’d lost his restlessness yet: a short trip, on his own, hopefully would cure him from his wanderlust.
“I don’t suppose I can stop you from going if this is what you want to do,” Giles said with a small smile, obviously pleased someone would try to unveil some of the mystery surrounding the city. “We’ll get you a mobile phone and a train pass. Keep in mind that I’ll be expecting a call from you every evening at about five o’clock, otherwise I might feel the need to call on - what was her name again? - Bertha’s services to track you down.”
Xander gulped. Bertha was one of the more enthusiastic witches seeking his ‘personal assistance’.
Bertha was sixty-four.
Xander was sitting on the train heading to Cardiff, watching the Welsh countryside go by. It was very pretty and quaint. Sort of made Xander feel like puking. Xander also really wished that he wasn’t wearing shoes. He hated the way they made him feel cut off from the Earth. Maybe I should start wearing sandals all the time? He wondered if that would make him a hippy. He shook his head and looked down at the book he’d brought.
It was a book about plants and plant biology. His mind was still reeling from the fact that he was a plant, add in the fact that he was no longer a guy and he had actually gone beyond freaking out. Yup, that’s right, plants didn’t really conform to the animal characteristic of gender. They could be considered to have both or neither, depending on who you asked. It was unclear exactly what kind of plant Xander was, since he was essentially unique in the plant kingdom for being ambulatory. Xander was also a little curious about the possibility that he could pollinate himself and essentially create a clone of himself.
Xander shook his head again because thoughts like that weren’t really all that productive and, anyway, the train was pulling into Cardiff. He didn’t really understand how so much time had passed without him noticing. This certainly was a new thing. It seemed that when he had nothing to do, he could be still and quiet in ways he couldn’t before. Nowadays, Xander found it extremely easy to sit still. In fact, according to Giles, it was a little creepy since Xander wouldn’t move at all, as he no longer needed to breathe unless he was moving. That was another thing about plants: they did their breathing through their cells.
Closing his eyes in an effort to clear his head, he tried to pinpoint the feeling of wrongness that had led him to Cardiff. He opened his eyes while holding onto that sickening feeling and began to walk. Xander wasn’t sure how long he walked: as long as there was sunlight he tended to have plenty of energy and never got tired.
He’d been standing by the water for hours. He could feel the tear in the world but couldn’t find its exact location, now that he was this close. It was somewhere nearby; probably hidden away in a building or underground, if his hometown’s Hellmouth was anything to go by.
“I think you should come with me,” the stranger commanded.
Still feeling slightly confused from being ripped out his ’trance’ like that, Xander could only utter a profound “Huh?”
“Captain Jack Harkness, I’m with Torchwood,” the man introduced himself.
Of course, neither reference meant anything to the Sunnydaler. So he stared and offered: “And?”
The Captain pointed his finger at Xander. “You,” he said, “have been standing here for three hours without moving. Add that to the fact that you aren’t human and I have sufficient reason to bring you in. Since you haven’t done anything dangerous, I’m going to spare me some paperwork by taking you to a pub, where we’re going to have a nice, old fashioned conversation.”
He was still working on a reply when Xander’s mind paused, having noticed something. Yes, he was pretty sure that the hot guy in the big coat had just winked at him. Was that flirting or did he have something in his eye? Distraction over, Xander started thinking again. If this guy had noticed him standing here so close to the ’tear,’ then he probably knew something about it. Maybe he was a guardian, which Xander could believe. It certainly would make sense since the Hellmouth had guardians as well. Xander shrugged. He didn’t have any better ideas and it was getting dark out here.
“Lead the way, Captain,” Xander said.
A pint to remember
As he and the Captain walked into the pub, Xander looked about eagerly. He had heard that pubs in England were awesome, except that he was in Wales now. Nonetheless, this pub looked relatively cool at first glance. The lighting was dim, which wasn’t that uncommon for a place like this. In contrast to most pubs, where sad drunks dominated the scene, here most people sat in little groups, laughing and generally having a good time. It was a really cozy sight.
Jack Harkness, the ‘guardian’ who called himself captain, guided him towards a table near the back of the pub and then went off to get them two pints of beer.
Xander was somewhat distracted by the way Harkness’s eyes twinkled as he brought the beer to the table. The guy also had this small smirk that did funny things to Xander’s stomach. Idly he wondered if he even still had a stomach, since he was pretty sure that plants didn’t.
“So, you have my name, what’s yours?” Harkness asked.
“Oh! Sorry. I’m Xander.” Xander, for no real reason, flushed and looked away as he spoke.
“No last name? That is okay, for now.” The man swallowed some of his beer. “As they say, business before pleasure. Can you tell me what you were trying to accomplish out there?”
Xander looked the other man in the eye, trying to assess what and how much he could divulge. Was this the Initiative Strikes Britain or something alike the Scoobies? Deciding to take the chance, Xander spoke: “I was looking for the tear in the world. Mostly just trying to see if it is doing anything bad.” He shrugged. His ‘mission’ had been pretty vague from the beginning. “Didn’t think anybody would notice, Mr Harkness.”
“Call me Jack,” the Captain said.
“Jack it is.” Xander inclined his head, confirming the request. “Anyway, obviously I was wrong about not being noticed.”
Jack nodded. “So you feel the rift?”
“Um, yes? If that is what you call it. I’m talking about a tear in the world, one big enough that things are going in and out.” Xander looked earnestly at the Captain. “It should be closed because it is hurting the Earth badly.”
“We are definitely talking about the rift, lad.” Jack said. “I don’t think, however, that it can be closed. It is a rift in time and space, through which we receive various flotsam and jetsam from the universe. Sometimes things and people disappear into the rift. That doesn’t happen often though, at least we thought so. If you noticed that about the rift in a matter of hours though…” Jack trailed off with a thoughtful look on his face.
“So dangerous things come out the rift regularly?” He sipped from his beer, finding the experience oddly refreshing. With being unable to stomach Twinkies, fast food and other delicacies, Xander didn’t think alcohol would make it through. Then again, most alcoholic beverages were the result of pure biological processes.
“More appears than disappears,” Jack answered. “Aside keeping an eye on these activities, Torchwood also acts as the premier defense against any threat that appears this way.”
Xander didn’t miss the way Jack’s expression hardened when he said that, revealing perhaps why the man was called ‘Captain.’ “I’m glad to hear that someone is guarding it. I guess I don’t need to do anything about it myself then.” He thought about the ‘rift’ and the gnawing feeling that it shouldn’t exist. “Have you tried to close the rift with magic yet?”
The Captain leaned forward and grabbed Xander by the shirt, “Magic, you say? I think it is time for you to tell me exactly what you are.”
“I’m human.” Xander stopped as the Captain’s eyes narrowed. Then rolled his eyes. “All right, I used to be human. Now I’m a plant. Look, Jack, I don’t mean any harm. Really. I can see that the… rift is taken care of by a suitably scary, hot guard.”
Jack pouted. “I think I preferred it when you called me captain.” He winked. “So you think I’m hot? I can definitely work with that.” Jack hadn’t let go of his shirt and apparently decided to pull him closer. Xander’s eyes widened. This was turning out to be one of his biggest nightmares and biggest fantasies all rolled into one. He’d dreamed of something like this happening but never thought it would.
Jack had been staring into his eyes, then suddenly let him go.
“Unfortunately, I don’t think we are quite done with the business part of this evening,” he said. “Does it smell like vanilla to you? Wait, the vanilla is you. Interesting. Anyway, a plant you say? Can you tell me your full name? I need to verify that you’re native.”
“Native?”
“Born on Earth.”
“Alexander LaVelle Harris,” said Xander quietly. Jack checked something on his wrist and, after a moment, smiled and looked at Xander.
“The check runs true: you were born on Earth.” Jack shook his head. “On a Hellmouth no less. I think I understand why you came to the Rift. Probably thought it was something similar. Quite different, I assure you. This is a chrono-spatial tear, not a weak barrier in the planes of existence like Hellmouths usually are. We only get aliens and spacejunk, no demons.”
“No demons?” Xander asked; Jack shook his head. “Huh, I suppose I really don’t have any business messing around with it.” More subdued, he explained: “I’ve seen what happens when amateurs think they know more than the experts. I’ll leave this in your capable looking hands.”
Jack raised said hands and smiled devilishly. “They are very capable hands. I’d ask more questions about this whole plant business, but given where you live it is probably mystical and I don’t really care. I do care that you look and smell good enough to eat. Did I tell you that my hands can do lots of interesting things? I think you’re gonna have to come with me tonight.”
“I am?”
“You are. So finish up your beer, then we can begin the real investigation.”
Xander was feeling like he had missed something. Had he said he was interested? Was he interested? And, yet, the beer seemed to be disappearing at an accelerated rate and he was smiling a little stupidly.
It was reminiscent of his first encounter with Anya, even if Jack was smoother. Xander inwardly shrugged. Since he wasn’t a guy anymore he really didn’t have to worry about the whole gay thing. Instead this was some sort of kinky interspecies sex thing. Given that he was now one of a kind, all sexual encounters would be like this for him in the future. Of course, given his appearance, finding partners mightn’t be that easy anymore. Not that Xander was some kind of Don Juan, but at least he’d looked human. Now though… Perhaps now it was best to take what he could? Especially when the other ‘species’ was that attractive.
As they stepped into the night air, Jack paused, “You still smell like vanilla and I think I’m catching a little lemongrass now.” He pulled Xander closer and took a small sniff at Xander’s neck. This was followed by a small lick.
It was enough that Xander stopped worrying about the whole ‘I’m about to sleep with a guy’ business. Jack was a little bigger than Xander and being enfolded in his arms, even for that short moment, had made Xander feel safe. His worries had slipped away as if they hadn’t existed at all.
Suddenly Jack let him go, grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the street.
“Ugh, I feel like I should mention that I’ve never been with a guy before. Not that I haven’t wanted to! It just seemed like a bad idea before I turned into a plant. Bad in the sense of persecution and what not, but now I figure, any crazy Jesus person would probably take issue with a plant having sex with anyone. Anyway, the point is that I don’t know what to do.” Xander felt rather embarrassed talking about the fact that he was a homosexual virgin, but figured it would make things easier later on.
“Don’t worry, I have enough experience for the two of us.” Jack looked over his shoulder and gave Xander a look so salacious that Xander almost blushed. He would have blushed, if it weren’t for the fact that it wasn’t blood flowing through his veins anymore.
Soon enough they entered a rather nice looking building. Up the elevator and down the hall, there was Jack’s place. It was a nice place. Even nicer was the bed Jack tossed him onto. There was, however, no comparing for the fun that followed.
Xander woke when a beam of sunshine hit his foot. The jolt of energy was sufficient for him to feel completely awake and rested. This whole plant thing was definitely turning out to have some perks, which was a not a bad trade-off for losing his humanity. He really didn’t feel all that different - well okay, he felt pleasantly sore in all the right places - but he didn’t feel evil or anything. In fact, he felt like he could kick evil’s shiny red ass.
He looked over at Jack. Now there was one seriously hot guy. For just a moment, Xander wished that he could stay. Unfortunately, there were many reasons why he couldn’t. Still, they had a little bit of time together.
Xander reached out and gently stroked Jack’s side. He liked touching Jack so much, he inched closer and nuzzled the man, revelling in the sensation. Without really realizing what he was doing, his mind started to drift like it did in Devonshire. Content and satisfied in a way that he hadn’t felt before, Xander wondered what exactly caused the emotion. It was then that he realized that Jack… didn’t entirely belong to the Earth. There was something strange about him, a sense of balance and equilibrium one normally didn’t find in nature. Jack felt like a constant, a was, is and will be. Xander wondered what that might mean.
“Hey, stop thinking so hard,” Jack admonised. “I haven’t done my job correctly if you can still think straight.” Jack snickered slightly at his pun. He opened his eyes and looked at Xander again. “You smell like lemongrass again. I’m starting to think that lemongrass is your pheromone. Fortunately for you, I’m an amazing man and already in shape to perform again.” Then he pounced.
A little while later, when they were panting for breathe (or at least Jack was, since he had happily discovered that Xander no longer needed to breathe through his lungs), Jack made an interesting observation.
“Last night, your skin was rough, like bark,” he said. “Now, it is soft like a flower petal. I’m thinking that, yes, you are a plant but not any specific plant. Seems like you can alter your physiology to incorporate any plant characteristics. A very interesting trick.”
Xander concentrated for a moment and felt his skin shifting to become more bark-like. This meant he could have some natural type of armour, but only when he wanted. That was a good thing. Following Jack’s thoughts, Xander wondered if he could grow thorns.
“Ouch! Thorns! Stop that Xander! I’m guessing this whole plant thing is really new to you.” He paused. “If you come to headquarters with me, we have some technology that may give you a better idea about the physical changes that are happening inside you. Can’t help you with the mystical side though.”
Xander smiled, ‘cause Jack had already helped and now he wanted to help more. He rewarded Jack with a light and sweet kiss.
The Hub
Perhaps the most interesting about the morning after with Jack was the transition he made from fun and sweet to sexy and dangerous once they finally left his flat. Xander just knew that have a long, floppy coat was the key. He wondered whether getting a nifty coat would make him seem cooler. Then he thought better, knowing his luck he’d just end up tripping all over it and looking even more lame than he already was.
They were quickly approaching the pier where Xander had spent so many hours yesterday. He could feel the Rift and it was uncomfortable. Something deep inside of him wanted to run very, very far away. To cling to the branches of the nearest tree, close his eyes, and hope it would go away. Of course, being who he was, he just kept walking towards it, focusing on the feeling of the sun on his skin.
Now, this invisible elevator platform thingy in plain view of the street was exactly what he expected from a place that dealt with aliens. It was so freaking cool! The Hub was also pretty sweet. And, in its own way, really did look like a bunch of junk collected from various places. There were piles of odd looking objects everywhere and the few people inside seemed to be busy doing something, Xander couldn’t really tell what it was that they were doing, but it seemed important.
Only one or two of the people inside looked up from their tasks, the rest just kept working. Xander shrugged, he didn’t really want to explain his situation or his relationship to Jack. Well, okay, they didn’t have a relationship relationship, it was more of an acquaintance thing. With sex.
“Xander, you coming?” Jack raised a brow from a few steps away. Nope, Xander would never be that cool.
“Yes, I’m coming. This place is super cool. Even if we don’t learn anything new today, I’m glad to see it. It makes the whole alien thing more real, which is just awesome. Have you encountered any nice aliens?” Xander wondered aloud.
“Not here, but before I started working here, yeah. Probably much like your Hellmouth, the Rift seems to attract the worst of the lot. Not to say that there aren’t nice aliens out there, they just don’t seem to come here,” Jack shrugged as he spoke.
They soon entered a medical looking type room, but way more cool than any hospital Xander had ever seen. Xander couldn’t tell what most of the machines might do, although he couldn’t tell what most of the machines in hospitals did either. Jack sort of positioned him somewhere near the centre of the room and left him there for a moment.
“Okay, this scan should tell us most of what we need to know about your current biology. It’ll only take a few moments and then we can discuss the results over lunch.”
Xander heard a machine hum to life and after a few clicks, a few whirs, and perhaps even on beep, it was all over. Xander waited another moment, ‘cause things in his life were never quite this easy.
“Okay, done. Interesting results, by the way. So, you hungry?” Whatever passed for Xander’s stomach stood up and paid attention at the offer of food.
“Yeah, I could eat.”
Jack took him to a nearby café and Xander was looking forward to eating some authentic English food, not that he was in England but he didn’t think that there could be that many differences between Wales and England. Although, for all he knew there were no commonalities. Lunch turned out to be rather standard fare of sandwiches, but Xander was happy to eat.
“Okay, so you are definitely a plant. Your body is mostly finished converting your cells from being protein based to cellulose based. This means that soon enough sugar will be far more important to your diet than proteins, like meat and such,” Jack took a breath and was about to continue when Xander interrupted.
“Wait, you’re telling me that I’ll be able to eats tons of sugar without worrying about it? Seriously? Why haven’t I been able to eat Twinkies? They are like pure sugar!” Xander’s eyes were burning bright with hope and Jack only chuckled (because right now, Xander was almost too cute to handle).
“How long has it been since you tried eating one? I can imagine that if you ate one soon after this transformation began, your body may have had difficulties with the more artificial nature of the sugars, fruit would have been better. Soon, though, you should probably be able to eat them again,” Jack finished with a wide smile at the look of relief and gratitude on Xander’s face.
“Jack, you have saved my life. I was ready to be all broody and tortured, like a certain souled vampire whose name shall not be mentioned. If I will be able to eat Twinkies, I’ll be able to deal with being a plant just fine.”
“Glad to be of service,” Jack winked at Xander. “To continue, you are obviously becoming a vascular plant, so your circulatory system is being repurposed to that end, basically doing the same sort of thing as before but without blood and with xylem and phloem instead. Xylem is basically sap. Anyway, it looks like your mouth will take the place of having roots, so make sure that you drink plenty of water! Or I guess pop would be okay or juice.
“The scanner was unable to determine your exact genus of plant, but given the fact that you are a plant with two legs and arms, we can safely assume you are one of a kind. This means that we don’t know if you’ll get flowers, seeds, or what reproduction would look like for you (although, I’m betting on your being an indeterminate flowering plant since you did get thorns yesterday, perhaps you’ll be able to take on characteristics of any flowering plant). The green in your hair represents the fact you have chlorophyll for photosynthesis, which is why you get energy from the sun. You’ve already started to breath in CO2 and breath out air. More importantly, you’ll probably be able to hold your breath for a much longer time as most plants don’t have lungs (or need them).
“Last, we have no idea what’ll happen with your brain. Or with your nervous system. It may stay exactly the same or you may notice changes. Obviously the plants we know of don’t have these things, so other than a change in their cellular structure, I’m guessing it’ll stay more or less the same. Although, you should watch out for any changes.” Jack finally finished with a small smile.
“Wow. I can’t believe how much I’ve learned in such a short time! It took the Coven two weeks to figure out that, yes I’m turning into a plant and no it can’t be reversed. Oh, and that I may of some mystical connection to the Earth, which was confirmed when I sensed the Rift.” Xander smiled his first relaxed and carefree smile in weeks and Jack’s breath paused for a moment since in that moment Xander was beautiful. Jack thought he was good looking but he’d definitely had better. That smile, though, was definitely something special and Jack felt a warmth at having caused it.
“Alexander Harris. You missed your check in.” A very, very proper British accent intruded into their moment and Xander got a very sheepish look on his face.
“Oh! Um, hey Giles. I’m sorry I missed the check in. I was with Captain Harkness here discussing the situation with the Rift, which is being taken care of by the way. No need for us to worry about it. The reason the Council is barred from Cardiff is because the situation here is well in hand.” Xander gave a hopeful smile, crossing his fingers that new information would placate Giles.
“Good. That still doesn’t excuse your forgetting to call. In any case, I’m happy to see that you are well. Good to meet you Captain Harkness, I’m Rupert Giles, the person who worries about Xander when he forgets to call.” Giles extended his hand and Jack shook it.
He turned to Xander, “So, is this the boyfriend?” Xander chocked on the bite he was taking and Giles began to polish his glasses.
“No! I already said that last night was the first time, I swear! Giles is more like a mentor or father figure type guy, not boyfriend, ‘cause ew! The only thing worse would be having my actual dad as a boyfriend,” and Xander actually shuddered as he spoke those words.
“Xander has the right of it. Nonetheless, Xander we must leave before my presence is noted, I’m still not supposed to be here. Captain Harkness.” Giles nodded and grabbed Xander.
Xander helplessly shrugged at Jack and Jack winked (he’d been alive long enough to learn how to go with the flow). The wink got Xander smiling and this, in turn, got Jack to smile. Jack’s eyes suddenly filled with promise, going with the flow aside, he didn’t think that this would be the last he saw of Xander, at least not if he had something to say about it.